Cultivating fresh eyes

Cultivating fresh eyes is not a new concept. If you look at my blogroll you will find that most of the writers there talk about it in so many ways. Fresh eyes expands your perspective, your awareness and your current state of mind. Cultivating fresh eyes, helps you look at your life, your right now in a deep and appreciative way. Fresh eyes = beginner's mind = out-of-the-box thinking, they are all one and the same. Here's one way to cultivate fresh eyes. 

Looking at the same-old with new eyes

1. Become aware of what you are feeling right now. ( Is it anger, frustration, sorrow, grief, irritation, restlessness, happiness, joy, gladness, gratefulness? Is it something else? What is it? )

2.  Become aware of your body. What is the automatic activity it is involved in at this moment? (Maybe your feet are shaking vigorously, your hands are tapping the desk you are sitting on? Is it something else? What is it?) 

3. Rest easy in the feelings ("ahh this is how anger/frustration/sorrow/_____ feels like! Hello there") and calm the automatic physical activity

4. Take a breath-in and out, and look at your surroundings, slowly becoming aware of the spaces in between  the objects all around you. 

5. Go back to what you were doing

6. Repeat every now and then (perhaps every hour or more?).




Like what you read? Sign up for our monthly newsletter!

What do you do with the obsessive mind?

There was a time in my life when I could freely pursue all my obsessions, I could sit locked up in my room for hours, brooding about boredom, love, or anger. I could take off on my bike and meet a friend or two, or sit somewhere secluded and wild after a torrential fight with my mom. I could throw my frustration and anger on others and say 'I dont care' a million times and think that it didn't really matter.

When waves of obsession hit the shores of calm within, I want to pursue them(whatever the obsession is). Perhaps stay locked up, scream and yell like a crazed teenager I used to be and run away to some wild seclusion where I can just be quiet and do my thing. But that's the character of obsession I suppose. The everyday voice that does, becomes and makes grows louder every now and then, triggered by something within and out. It cascades into this restlessness to do something, anything. The restlessness to be someone else than who I am right now. The restlessness to achieve and get to that place.

What is available in your right now?

I care deeply about this obsession, about how it churns my innards and explodes on the outside and how it affects everyone I love. I honor the need to be someone more, do something more and live better, but I also know that this obsessing mind achieves nothing. An obsessing mind is busy already, obsessing about what it needs, desires and wants, in the meantime though there is a baby, a husband and family to love and enjoy. There is the right now, the right now that wills me to come back to what is happening around me.


My obsessions are my opportunity not to do something but to stop doing. It begins within, a meditative practice. A practice like my sitting meditation practice, of coming back to the present moment, of letting the obsessive mind be in the background, while I give my present moment to everything that's available. 

Media Fast: Day four-Letting Go

Letting go is a lesson I get to learn constantly. To me, its indicative of how much I hold on to "my, me and I" On day four I was squirming to get away from the obsessiveness with which I do things. My should's, ought to's and have to's came to the surface. In the end though, I let the awareness of it wash through me. Here are some of my realizations from day four of my media fast. 

Leisure ~ William Henry Davies

This evening was beautiful. I loved the storm-like wind coursing though these sky high apartments, I loved watching the really hard wind forcing the pool of water, in the swimming pool outside, to dance. I loved putting on my BabyBjorn and taking my little one out to the play ground to feel the wind literally move us. I also loved visiting an aunt who has the most amazing little backyard with one of those quaint little swings, and I loved sitting with Anika there, just swinging for a while. It reminded me of this profound and beautiful poem by William Davies I read many many years ago and looked it up. It's such a delight to revel in the beauty of nature. I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I do.

Titled: Reminiscing Childhood

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare. 

~William Henry Davies

My Media fast: Day three came tumbling after.

After two weeks of pushing it away and one week of completely embracing it, I am back to the world of computers, television sets and music. Not that I could possible escape it while I was on the fast but I chose to consciously choose other things over media. My media fast entailed a whole week (and a few bumpy previous weeks) of not reading books, watching tv, or using the computer (it was mainly the internet but I can never get on my laptop and not open Google Chrome). The first two days were a breeze. I was on a high that I chose something so positive but then day three happened and it was not pretty. Here are my notes from there: 

(P.S: More notes to follow)

How you do anything is how you do everything*

This week's Wild Elephant Project suggests a mindfulness practice that is a wonderful addition to my current practice. Lisa quotes from the book and gently guides us through the practice over at her website. The practice is to "Use loving hands and a loving touch, even with inanimate objects".  I often focus on my feet, where I place them, how I move and so forth as a part of my yoga practice. However, the practice of using "loving hands" in my everyday life was a brand new one for me. I had read about it earlier at The Domestic Yogi's post on mindfulness of the hands and was pleasantly surprised that Lisa brought it up as this weeks practice.

Granpas loving hands

The practice has been a way to slow things down for me. I started to notice that by default I am in a hurry. Like doing things quickly was a characteristic that had become me. I am not sure when that happened but it did, so much so that even when I think I am being mindful there is a hint of hurriedness in my actions. This practice is a lot like sitting meditation, for me. I became fully absorbed in the right now, cutting vegetables with mindful awareness, treating them with respect, love and gratitude. Cooking with the same awareness of my hands led to the feeling of breathing in and out in a scared space. But eventually, the sense of hurriedness came back. I was still aware of what my hands were doing but I couldn't bring back the slowing down. I could see what my hands were doing, placing the dishes with a loud clang in the sink, picking up my baby and carrying her on my hips with less awareness, placing my hands down on the floor and putting my weight on them to help me sit or stand. Once in a while I would tell myself to be gentle. I would try to slow down and appreciate what my hands were doing- caressing my baby's hair, massaging my neck gently, cleaning the kitchen counter.

The use of loving hands and a loving touch came to my rescue last night. I couldn't sleep till about two because I had a painful and sore throat. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breathe easily because my nose was blocked and I just couldn't sleep with all that pain. I tried to clear my nose by rubbing the outer part of the nose, I tried to breathe hard in spite of a blocked nose and all of it sent alarm bells ringing in my head. So much for loving touch, my head seemed to say. It was in that moment that I chose to accept that pain and my hands showed me the way. The way I was treating myself-my nose, my throat- constantly trying to rid myself of the blocked nose and the itchy throat, using my hands to help me rid this pain, all of that was a way of waking up for me.  It dawned on me that I was pushing away a part of myself. I wanted only a neat, happy, relaxed self that could help me go to sleep and my way of doing that was by pushing away this sick, itchy, uncomfortable side of me. I was so far away from loving myself.


That's when I sat up and did the tonglen meditation along with my breathing practice. Below is a video of the Tonglen meditation by Pema Chodron. It is a meditation that allows one to experience the "spacious quality of our minds and the warmth of our hearts" it is a way to get closer to pain that one feels and in that accept ones own pain as well as the pain of humanity.  Pain is not something that we rid ourselves of, it is something that we get closer to and befriend. It is in knowing both pain and happiness that we get closer to ourselves and humanity.

My Tonglen last night focussed on breathing in my physical pain and remembering the physical pain of many in the world. And breathing out space for acceptance of this pain not only for me but for the world as well.  This morning I opened Chodron's book on "Start where you are" to look at one of the slogans she talks about. "Whatever you meet unexpectedly, join with meditation"

She says "This slogan points out how interruptions themselves awaken us, how interruptions themselves-surprises, unexpected events, bolts out of the blue-can awaken us to the experience of both absolute and relative bodhichitta, to the open, spacious quality of our minds and the warmth of our hearts. This is the slogan about surprises as gifts. These surprises can be pleasant or unpleasant; the main point is that they can stop our minds. You're walking along and a snowball hits you on the side of the head. It stops your mind." 

So using Lisa's prompt to remind me about loving myself, using Toglen to accept the uncomfortable and painful, were all ways to use the unexpected to awaken to authenticity. Every moment of every day is a reminder in pausing our thinking, obsessing minds, shifting away from the ever so important "I" and focusing of the vast space that fills us and bounces off of us. You can be jolted out of your "I" talk in many many ways. Something as simple as a sneeze can jolt you out, a shocking news, a disaster, a pleasant surprise- all of it are gifts to awaken us to the experience of unbounded space, all of it are invitations to develop compassion for the predicament of the people in the world and ourselves and all we need to do is pay attention to our hands. That simple.

-----
* The title of this post is from a book by Cheri Huber with the same name. I highly recommend this book.It is an exercise in self awareness and is truly a treasure. For Indian readers it is available on Flipkart.com! I just checked. The inspiration to use this as a title comes for Lisa's post, so if you are wondering what in the world that means, hop on over to her website to read more. 

Scratching open the idiot

Today I was put on the spot to say something, I felt like my friendship with this particular person depended on saying the right thing, not the honest thing but the right thing. I wanted to sound "right", I wanted to sound like I have it all together. Like I am not actually a pot of brewing emotions but a sane wise person who's got it all together. This person always brings out that side of me-the blabbering monkey who doesn't have it together but hopes to one day side. The side that I dislike in me but have a whole pie of it right there in conversations with her. I sound completely lame, and there is usually a drought in my mouth, I am at a loss of words that sound superfluous and together. But really what is one supposed to say when someone after almost seven months asks you "How is motherhood?" other than "its brilliant!" but not me, I want to sound all amazing and wonderful and terse and all-figured-out when this person talks to me (no that's not what she asked to put me on the spot).

Does everyone have these kind of people in their lives? The ones who sound all eloquent and patronizing leaving others feeling like fumbling fools who don't even know what to say about their own lives and their own feelings? Anyway, during this particular conversation with this person, I felt put on spot and when I did feel that I could sense my heart beat a little faster, my hands shake a little and my words becoming gibberish. I felt like it was some kind of test with the telly host holding a big red buzzer waiting to beep me out of the game show. The honest  part of me was asleep. So I used my memory of what honest feels like to answer to what she asked and obviously it didn't come out as put-together as I would have liked.

After my conversation with her, as is usual, I came up with some very intelligent, and even witty and insightful things to say and wanted to memorize that for the next time she throws a question up my alley. So that's what I figured out today. I am not at all authentic with this person. She brings out the confusing, inarticulate idiot in me and she makes me jealous with her eloquent speech and patronizing ways. Every time we talk, meet or exchange emails I have a shield up. I protect my "soft spot" so to speak. I try to protect the confused, inarticulate, honest, broken, angry, unmindful, silly, real me. I also realized that I have an agenda with her- to appear perfect. To appear smart, strong, mindful, amazing and power puff like.

I often try to stay away from people who scratch open the darkness in me. Well, you cant avoid the husband, the kid, the parents, sister and the best friends-when they scratch it's okay. But these acquaintances, these "friendly" people who bring out the demons, not so much. But you know what, with some patience with myself I've begun to learn to invite the deadly into my life. So I am calling her for lunch so I can show her this real, inarticulate, honest, unmindful, silly, confused me. So I can show to myself that I am all this not just within my "circle of trust" but with everybody else too. Just so you were wondering, I am very inarticulate, very broken, very stupid, very dense, very dumb, very unmindful and very wrong.

Getting up front and center

It makes no sense why I am angry. I am actually indignant. Honestly, even indignation doesn't make sense. Anger is such a limbic response that using the reasoning mind to understand it is of no use. So I watch it for what it is. That boiling heat in my chest, the throbbing pulse in my temple and that shallow breath, heavy and hot. I am grateful for the quiet around me. I am glad to be alone to just watch it instead of hurl it on someone else.

A waterfall or a meandering stream?

Streams that meander down the mountains turn into a waterfall or a slight sliver depending on the mountains that create it. They are made of the mountain, they come from the mountain and yet look different depending on the season. Thus is emotion. It is what the mind makes of it. As I watch my anger it finds a comfortable place within and sits there, floating about, while I move on to other things. I sit with my little one while she plays with her toys, placing one thing after another, in increasing size, into her mouth.

Today, my internal world seems calm, even with anger present somewhere within. That wave of loneliness that had come a few days ago has also found a still pool to sit in. I can't say the same for yesterday and the day before, when I tried to distract, occupy and push myself away from the spate of emotions that seem so natural today. The quality of emotions is such, when you get a little distance from yourself and your overwhelming emotion you realize its not permanent. It might leave behind sadness with its passing-another transitory yet available emotion, or joy depending on what the mind makes of it. But you know, this time around, its was not about getting a little distance from the emotion. It was not about letting it pass on by, not about letting go.

I was angry and I let myself be angry without lashing out on anyone. I was lonely and I didn't jump into conversations, books, or the television, or even my thoughts. Not for long but for long enough to let my monkey mind shift perspectives. It was enough to get my mind to befriend these uncomfortable emotions that I push away always. It is not about just happiness always is it? Nor is it about comfort. It is about being authentic in the experience of now, without suffering or at least by being aware of the suffering that comes from wanting only this and not that.

So this time around it was about getting up front and center with the overwhelming emotion. Yes, you are here. Yes, I feel you. Yes, I am grateful for your presence, you need a vehicle, a form and a guise, but I see you for who you are. Yes, you can stay. Yes, you can burn in my ear, heat up my chest and make me want to hurl you at another. Yes, you can stay while I keep on watching you for what you are. Just watching you, watching you.

Making Space for Pain

I know this boulder sitting on my chest only too well. And why not? I see it once a fortnight, give or take. Its like meeting an estranged someone from the past. Never comfortable ever queasy, you want to bolt but here you are sitting in the same theater watching the same movie you bought tickets for.

The feeling of complete desolation washes over me. In an effort to switch mind states I put on my running shoes and hit the asphalt. Can I pulverize this boulder just by running? I don't know but I want to give it a try. The background is a blur, its just me and the road and that stray mongrel and a pile of garbage a mile away. I try not to check-in to see if I feel like shit anymore but my mind retracts and comes back to tell me that I probably need to run harder. I could never run hard on the road, without a number indicating how fast I am going and how long I will be on it. So I run towards the gym and get on the treadmill to run till my focus moves into my body.

There is that huge rock still sitting on my chest, wait, is it smaller by any chance? My chest heaves hard and I try to suck in more air from my mouth. I hold on to the railing of the machine and let my legs do the running. I can feel my calf muscles hurt, my abdomen squeeze in pain and my palms sweat. Can I run harder?   I try. Two minutes later I come back to a sprint. There you are boulder. So, ok, you can stay. I am going to let you sit on me for as long as you please. With that, I hit the "up" button and begin to run again. This time I run without a thought, a care and  a cause.

I take that sense of desolation along and get home finally. Only now, it feels like I've made space for its presence, guess that's why I needed to run, not to hurl it out of my system but to make place for it. Packed neatly in a corner now, it sits and watches for moments and events where it can hulk up and ache. For now though it leaves me be, so I can focus on the right now that is calming in its own way.

Guest Blog: The “Watchout!” State of Mind

For those of you who don't know, my father is my spiritual guide, nudging, encouraging and coaxing me to be more mindful, ever since I was little. He sent this piece to my sister, mum and I way back in 2010. Reading it now, while on my spiritual diet, makes me smile in true understanding. Without further ado, here is the piece. Thank you dad for letting me put this up :-)


                                                              *******************

Its 7am this morning and I’m blissfully asleep when the jarring doorbell rudely wakes me up. It’s this guy Ravi from Mayurvihar whom I met just once before when he came home two weeks ago with family to meet Balupita who was our guest. He came to pick up something which they forgot behind last time. He dint call and inform before appearing at my door! I sent him off in just two minutes after delivering his bag and offering him a glass of water. Due to this, I missed my routine early Morning Prayer meditation which takes between half to one hour.

Since I am all alone at home, I go through the morning routines of lighting the lamp, brewing coffee, making bed, washing clothes, reading news, etc. The News paper guy dint deliver today since our house was locked for the past ten days, so I switch on the computer to check the news.  Suddenly I realize that it’s already 9am and have to start cooking breakfast, lunch, have bath and get ready to go to office. I realize that pranayama has to be abandoned today!

I should have gone back to bed after sending off Ravi early in the morning and completed my half an hour of meditation before starting with the routine morning chores. This was my thought as I started analyzing my state of mind while cooking sambar and rice. It was then that the term “watchout state of mind” came to mind.

Usually when I go on a long tour and come back home it’s just chill out time or a time to “Let go”. This is what I did yesterday after reaching home at 2.30pm and deciding not to go to office. But today morning was completely different. Since I am alone at home, after 7.30am the door bell keeps ringing and even the phone starts ringing so meditation is not possible. I was trying to find out the origin for my “watchout state of mind”.

Take a few minutes of your day to just sit

Is it because Ravi woke me up suddenly? I normally wake up around 5am and leisurely complete my Morning Prayer meditation. Sometimes if I go to bed late, I set the alarm for one hour before the time I have to get up so that there is enough time for meditation. But since I had just come back from a long tour and it was Saturday, I deliberately did not set the alarm and due to IPL cricket match, went to bed around midnight. I realized that although circumstances led to it, that actual fact is that I allowed the circumstances to emerge in the first place and subsequently did not rectify it when I could have done so.  In other words, I went to bed late but did not set up the alarm and then I did not meditate after sending off Ravi.

“Watchout state of mind” happens when you are ready to face the outside world or when you are planning or preparing to face the outside world. It is as opposed to the “Let go” or “at home” state of mind. But it is not the restless state of mind. I used to believe that you are either completely relaxed or else you are restless. 

But now this watchout state, in between those two states of mind seems to have emerged! This state of mind is probably more harmful in the long run because it is so deceptive.

If you are in a restless state of mind, you are ‘hyper’ and the moment you become aware of this, you can seek help or help yourself to come out of it. But this watchout state of mind can happen indefinitely. Come to think of it, most of the people are in this state of mind most of the time and that is the root cause of all ills faced by all mankind.

A new awareness for this watchout state of mind needs to be created. It can be triggered when you live alone, when you are waiting for someone or something, when you feel a sense of boredom, loneliness, mildly depressed or anxious. Of course, it can happen when none of these or any other external trigger exists. It can also be prevented in spite of any or all of these triggers being present.

Life is not a continuous flow of events. Each moment is separate from the other and can be experienced afresh. The illusion of continuous flow of events occurs because of memory. Just as light is not a continuous wave but is made up of packets of particles, so also, time is not a continuous flow of events but of separate individual moments. If one person deeply irritates you and goes away, you end up expressing the irritation on the next person who happens to come before you. This is because we experience life as a continuous flow of events rather than momentary! This is also the reason why we continue to remain in the watchout state of mind even when its triggers fade.

Deep wisdom and maturity is required to enable us to naturally realize the momentary nature of life and live as such. Until then, we need to take a break every now and then so as to cut off the continuous flow of events and make our experience of life momentary and fresh.

Sleep does not give us this kind of break from the flow. Even after a full night’s sleep you can get up with a depression or with irritation! This is evident from today’s morning experience. Only Pranayama or Yoga or Meditation can give us this break.

Awareness is a wonderful tool. As I became aware of all this, I could take a short five minute break and meditate and get the break from my watchout state of mind.  Even though I missed my pranayama, I felt fresh and went ahead and had a good eventful day. But for that five minute meditation break, I am sure my day could have been worse. If you start looking at your state of mind regularly and remedy it with these tools, I am sure you can experience a more wholesome life.

S. Selvan.
March 13, 2010.

Spiritual Diary # 6: Quietening the mind

If you have a minute to spare, just close your eyes and observe what happens in that head of yours. We are plagued by our thoughts. Thoughts about what, when, how and why of any and every thing. It is these thoughts that make us. Indeed, my thoughts create opinions about things and people, they help me understand the world, albeit through a narrow lens, they help me decide on my life's goals and they help me critically analyze what is good for me and the world at large. They prepare me for success and failure. They make us, really. I think, therefore I am.

If you give yourself a few minutes everyday to just watch your thoughts, you will be astound by how repetitive, mundane and tangential they can get. Of course, there are moments of creative thinking, sparks that define us too, but they are thoughts all the same. I think, therefore I am.

But isn't that limiting? 'I', my ego, keeps things in control by thinking-logically, practically, emotionally, but what about the moments when we let go, loose control, surrender and become one, moments when thoughts cease to exist, albeit momentarily?

Are you listening?

Quietening the mind is a process that entails making the ego permeable. Making the 'I' permeable. It entails letting others in, being vulnerable and dropping the controlling aspects of our selves. This, I am learning, happens when you balance the 'being' and 'doing' aspects of yourself.


For me, putting my little baby girl to sleep is one of those moments of letting go and making my ego permeable. If my mind is racing, and is full of thoughts about things to do, I fail to notice what Anika wants. She cries and screams, almost like telling me to focus on something besides myself. Only when I switch from the 'I' state can I really listen to her needs. Only when I cease to think and just be, can I deeply feel connected to my daughter.

I'll bet that most of us have experienced, in one way or another, this connection. When you find a deeper connection with yourself or someone else there is a sense of falling away of the ego. Words have a way of coming in between this understanding. Think about times when just looking at someone arose compassion, love and calmness.

Thoughts separate us from what is.They take us away from connections we can possibly make with others in the present moment. They separate us from deeper connections we can make with ourselves and the world. But how does one not think? In our day-to-day lives there are many moments when we let go and just be. Like when I put my baby to sleep, when I relinquish my stubborn "must have's" to some one else's requests or when I meditate.

Here is a wonderful quote from Mark Epstein's book that is apt in the context of quieting the mind:

"Be Patient, do nothing, cease striving. We find this advice disheartening and therefore unfeasible because we forget it is our own inflexible activity that is structuring the reality. We think that if we do not hustle, nothing will happen and we will pine away. But the reality is probably in motion and after a while we might take part in that motion. But one can't know" -Paul Goodman.

Spiritual Diary # 5: Mindful Activism

Today is one of those days. I woke up next to my little one who was also beginning to wake. Because it was early and because she had slept late last night, I knew from previous experience that if I didn't activate her she would go back to sleep. But here was my husband, who woke up along with us today and was thrilled to see that our little one was waking. He cooed to her, kissed her and began to talk to her. Anika was enjoying it but I was upset. I told my husband not to activate her, that she needed her sleep and she would go back to sleep if she was left to herself. I regretted this soon as I said it.

Photo: Charlotte Community of Mindfulness

Thus began my morning, with a 'no!' on my lips and regret on my mind. I wanted it to go away because that's not what a mindful person wakes up with. Unfortunately, I couldn't shake off the feeling that germinated within me and I just went about my morning's spiritual practice with a cloud in my head.

The feeling grew larger and wilder when I 'had' to hurry my practice, take care of some chores and put my baby back to sleep and it culminated in the most unmindful outburst at my mother. Of course, at the end of it my loop of regret and anger at myself only got reinforced. I sat for my  afternoon practice of meditation and saw that I was pushing a part of myself away, like an adult who shushes a child who only knows how to cry when her needs are not met. This imagery instantaneously roused compassion in my heart for the part I was pushing away. So okay, I was angry, I was upset and I was grouchy. I sat with the feeling without trying to decipher who did what to make me go bonkers. The meditation didn't leave me feeling great but I was able to step out of the cycle somewhat and by my evening practice I felt mindful enough to let go.

Why am I sharing this detail? I've just begun to appreciate how immensely important these bad days are in teaching me about myself and about the world around me. We talk about greed, about discrimination, about inequality and about how it is all rests in our hearts. These dark feelings germinate and stay within us much like my anger, dissatisfaction and regret. Often these feels go on to hurt someone else. We hurt our family with our harsh words, we hurt our mother earth with our unmindful deeds and we hurt each other and ourselves with our discriminatory treatment towards one another. Most of all we hurt ourselves. Our anger, greed, fear, insecurity gets reinforced when we try to push it away or try to eliminate it by taking it out on someone else. I don't mean to say we should stop it right away. I tried pushing my anger and it went nowhere. It reinforced itself with every other aspect of my day. What I do mean to point out though, is that what you see on the outside germinates from within. Not being mindful at the start of my day made me look at everything through that lens. Everything seemed unacceptable, including myself. 

My anger towards hate crimes is justified, my anger towards inequalities is further justified, hey! I am a brown woman from a developing country I know what it is to be discriminated against. But this anger that's arising in me, can i just sit with it? Just sit with the anger and not with what happened to anger me. Can I sit with it and accept it? Can I breathe through it and gain a broader perspective? Is there a child within that is being shushed? Whatever it be, understanding the source of our darkness and another persons behavior from this place of accepting our anger (or darkness for that matter)can help us break out of the cycle of hate. I am hopeful about that. What might germinate from understanding is mindful action. I would have woken up with with my husband and baby and spend the early hours of the morning in the cocoon of love that was generated by Anika's smile and my husband's delight.  

You loose an opportunity to love, understand and partake in growth and joy when you act from a place of anger, fear, insecurity, greed-from a place of un-mindfulness. You also gain love, understanding and joy from this same place if you can accept it, breathe and practice in some mindful activities. 

I hope to notice my anger, my greed, my jealousy, my darkness, to see how it manifests within me and outside of me, I hope to take that opportunity to teach me a new way of being. That is activism to me. 

..............................

To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5

Spiritual Diary #3: Understanding

"The giver is our parents; we are the continuation of our parents and our ancestors. The gift is our body itself. The one who receives the gift is us. As we continue to meditate on this, we see clearly that the giver, the gift, and the receiver are one. All three present in our body. When we are deeply in touch with the present moment, we can see that our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. Seeing this, we will know what to do and what not to do-for ourselves, our ancestors, our children and their children" -Nhat Hahn in Peace is Every Step.
                                                               **********

Anger. Jealously. Hatred. Contempt. Greed. I have it all in my heart and as I move through my 21 day spiritual diet I seem to become more and more aware of it.  I have had days when I wake up irate. Possessed by anger I express it when my husband doesn't fold the sheets, leaves a wet towel on the bed, or rushes me on his way to work. On irate days I am unpleasant with my parents who call me in the morning to wish me a good day. I am upset by the traffic, by the maid, by work and finally by myself for being irate. As the day gradually moves by I can 'suck it up' but I am never fully recovered from mornings like these. I find myself on a loop of regret and guilt for having been rude to myself and people around me.

Shining the light of mindfulness on my everyday life has led me to become aware of the seed of my anger, when it begins to form. While I sit with my destructive emotions and look at them, a new understanding dawns on me.Nhat Hahn in his book asks us not to push our emotions away but sit with them and breathe "Breathing in, I know that anger is in me, Breathing out, I know that I am my anger" breathe instead of being consumed by thoughts about what another person did to anger us. 

Nhat Hanh ask us if we would scream at the lettuce for not growing well? No! If you have planted the lettuce and it doesn't seem to grow well you will look into the reasons for why it isn't growing well rather than yell at the lettuce or blame yourself or someone else for it. Once you understand the reason you will nourish it in a way that will make it grow well. Thus are humans. If you find that you are angry at someone, sit, breathe and ask yourself why that is so. When you shine this kind of mindfulness on yourself and others, real understanding takes place.

In an emphatic statement Nhat Hanh says "no blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding, if you understand, and show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change". While it feels like a tall order, I start with myself. All of psychology tells you that when you are angry you should breathe, count from 10 to 1 but I have found that this does very little. What has helped instead is this practice of everyday mindfulness even when you are not overwhelmed by negative emotions. Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment!" . Practicing mindfulness through yoga, meditation and pranayam helps me catch my negative emotions the moment it shows up . Practicing mindfulness will place positive seeds on an everyday basis which will then act as antibodies, taking care of negative emotions when they seize us. 

Nhat Hahn says, if we can see the entire humanity in a grain of rice, if we can see our mother in the palm of our hand, when we are one with our parents, our ancestors and our children in a way that is expressed in the first quote, we are open to knowing that there is a reason behind every destructive emotion and when we can sit with this insight utmost compassion is what flows forth. 

..............................

To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5