Contemplative Saturday

An extra dose of the ordinary life

Any day, I would choose the ordinary life, give me an extra dose of it actually. This life of coming back to the balcony and looking at the verdant backyard. The life of watching in awe how babies can teach you so much about what practice really is. This life of going back to the same worn-out mat and same old asanas. A life of absolute boredom and a life of putting the same, yet somehow new toy in the mouth. Yes, yes, give me this ordinary life where I come back to my foreign language books and sigh non, je comprends rien!  Let me sit with this life of procrastination, practice and letting go. 

Monsoon Mediation

I accept this life, this so completely ordinary life that I come back to every morning. That teaches me that there is so much beyond the mind that demands, the mind that beckons and the mind that pushes and shoves. This ordinary day of embracing baby and husband, this oh so very ordinary day of afternoon naps and quiet times, of colors and acrylics and work and some more work. 

This extra-ordinary day today is so much like yesterday and yet so different from yesterday. What does it bring today? What does it make you feel? What does it demand from you and what possibilities does it hold? You know and yet you don't.

Titled:Monsoon Mediation in Acrylics

Yes, I choose the extra-ordinary life. A life where the sun comes out everyday, the birds chirp, the weather changes and the flowers bloom-the same old and yet not at all.

P.S: As the universe would have it Karen Miller says something similar, so MUCH more articulately than I do in this post: "Settle". Enjoy!

Meditating on the treadmill

I know, that title might mean that I was sitting on the moving treadmill (huh?) in cross-legged position and meditating. Impossible, and I wasn't doing that. I have however finally made sense of how to use my knowledge in yoga, meditation and running for my days on the treadmill. I have been told that runners intuitively know this but I have been running (on the treadmill) for over three years and what I would experience after running was complete exhaustion and listlessness.

So how does meditation, yoga and running come together? Here's how:
What is Meditation?
Chogyam Trungpa in "Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior" gives precise and clear instructions on the sitting practice of meditation. There is no better way to convey that than to just quote him:


"The practice of meditation is very precise. it has to be on the dot, right on the dot. ...if you don't have a good posture your practice will be like a lame horse trying to pull a cart....So first you sit down and assume  your posture, then you work with your breath; tshoo, go out (sic) [referring to the out breath], come back to your posture; tshoo. When thoughts arise, you label them "thinking" and come back to your posture, back to your breath" ....You are not working with your mind alone. You are working with your mind and your body, and when the two work together, you never leave reality" (p.25)


Chogyam Trungpa essentially points out that all you do in sitting meditation is focus on the out breath and the in-breath happens all by itself. So, focus on the out-breath, then bring awareness to your posture, then focus on the out-breath, then again, come back to your posture, then focus on your out-breath..and so on. When thoughts arise gently call out  in your mind "thinking" and come back to the breath and the posture. Simple but not easy.

So now, what does yoga have to do with running, you ask?

Stiram-sukham asanam

Asana is steadiness and ease

-Yogasutra:Sadhana Pada

The first thing I learnt in my yoga training was that there are three platforms in the body: the feet, the pelvis and the shoulders. When you bring awareness to these three platforms of your body in your yoga practice as well as everyday, your posture improves, you can breathe far more easily and you can be at ease even in difficult situations.

Full disclosure: Posture is something that I constantly work at. I tend to have awful postures while I read, work on the computer and even while doing yoga, so for me this is a lesson I keep coming back to time and again as I am sure most of us must.

So what is the most precise and accurate stance for these three platforms? Below is a video instruction of a wonderful yoga instructor who gives instructions for Tadasana or the mountain pose. When I first learnt the number of muscles one can be aware of in just standing, I was SO amazed. Here is the video, notice the instruction she gives about how the three platforms must be aligned for a precise posture.

The same instruction goes for bringing awareness to your feet, pelvis and shoulders while you are doing almost anything. Running included.

What do I know about running?
I do not call myself a runner, there are experts at that I am sure. But I have been running regularly for three years now and I know that I have a love-hate relationship with it.  What began as absolute hate turned into surprise that I could actually run, then determination to run and increase my stamina and then complete and absolute bewilderment at what to do with all the thoughts and boredom that I meet with when I run. For a while there I was also having awful body aches (because of not cooling down gently) and god awful exhaustion. I used to run every evening at one point and would come back home and just drop dead on my bean bag never to get up till it was time to go to bed.

My dad would tell me how mindless this activity of running on the treadmill was and would gently veer me towards walking around the park with him. While I like that way better than the treadmill, I have always ome back to it wondering how to make my half hour on the treadmill more mindful. So here's what I have figured.

Meditation + Yoga + Running  : How they all come together
So putting two and two together you get meditation on the treadmill. Today I went on the machine and started off, with awareness of my out-breath, then awareness of my feet, then my out-breath, awareness and gentle correction of my slumping shoulders; out-breath, feet; out-breath, body; out-breath, posture...thought, out-breath, posture; thought, thought, thought, lost in thought, out-breath, correcting posture; out-breath...and so on for thirty minutes. Basically, I allowed myself the freedom to focus on my out-breath and while the in-breath happened all by itself, I focused on my posture in a neat little loop for the thirty minutes that I was on the machine!

I was in the present moment, on the treadmill, with awareness of my being, what more could I ask for? It was a calming, energizing and rejuvenating run! (of course, it is not that this is the result of meditation or running every time you do either, but that's what this run did for me) I have not had that happen many times in these three years running.


This is icing on the cake for me, I found this cool video on HH Dalai Lama meditating on the treadmill! Enjoy!

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I love meditating on the treadmill. What about you? do you incorporate a certain method to enhance your running, yoga or meditation? I would love to hear! 

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Play!

Yes, I implore you to play. There is so much fun in that. Create mess, live random, and de-stress. Play,because you absolutely NEED to. Anyone reading this needs to play, and if you already do then reinvent play, throw out your old way of playing and just play.

Okay, so you are a serious business person or a professional working a 9 to 5, you don't have the time and you have kids to take care of and a home to straighten when you leave work that is why you need to play. 

If you need the experts to tell you that you need to play then let me dawn my counselor hat and site more reasons on why YOU should choose to play:

Play is voluntary by nature, and in a world full of rules and requirements, play is refreshing and full of respite;
 Play is free from evaluation and judgement, thus it is safe to make mistakes without failure;

Play encourages fantasy and the use of the imagination, enabling control without competition;

 Play increases involvement and interest; and

 Play encourages the development of self. 

-Caplan and Caplan (1974) as mentioned in 'Sandtray Therapy: A practical Manual' by Linda E. Homeyer and Danel S. Sweeney. 

More reasons? Okay,

Play is done for its own sake-it may even seem purposeless
Play has qualities that promote freedom and growth

Play involves a freedom from time

Play helps diminish the consciousness of self

Play has an improvisational potential

Play develops a continuation desire-you want to come back to it once you start

-Brown and Vaughn (2009)as mentioned in 'Sandtray Therapy: A practical Manual' by Linda E. Homeyer and Danel S. Sweeney. 

In a world where working in groups, living with rommies and family and being with people all the time and staying connected to them via a variety of media is the norm,  I encourage play that is done for yourself and by yourself. I encourage this, especially if you are feeling lost, overwhelmed, confused, stuck, listless or just stressed and find that you have more to-do things on your list than time to actually do them. 

Yes, its ironic, that you don't have time to actually do the stuff on your to-do list, that you don't have time to actually do the serious stuff in life and here I am encouraging you to play. Oxymoronic, but let go and just dive and you'll find that like meditation here too you feel an opening up of space, creativity and MORE time!

I for one have rediscovered play in my life through art. I began to draw and color with oil pastels. With a little encouragement from Lisa Wilson, Awareness Artist at LifeUnity and after some inspiration from a few online classes from artists like Tam and Jane Davenport and youtube videos on how to draw this and that I began to unravel the creativity and "flow" from within.

For me, play is about:

Freedom: It frees me and eases my tensions, it loosens me up and fills me with love for all the other areas of life.

Stillness:It stills me and quietens me.


Insight: The beauty in scribbling like I do is in finding and discovering what I am truly feeling and thinking.

Titled: A holding space for my emotions.
My dad thinks I might be going crazy, when I showed him this one!  But that's play for me. Sometimes random and sometimes an expression of what I am feeling. This is a scribble I did when I was feeling stuck and wanted some release. The back and orange box like things represent the feeling and the cross strokes represent the sinking feeling I was experiencing then. The blue background is a  representation of a peaceful holding space. After I did it, I had a good laugh and the "stuck" feeling disappeared!
So go ahead and go crazy! It might help.

Creativity: Sometimes I know what I want to draw and other times I ask a greater energy to guide me and present me with something to draw, and other times I just draw an inner state of being.
Sometimes (most times actually)It might make no sense to anyone around me but it clarifies me and shakes away any mood cloud I might be experiencing.

Untitled.

Judgement Free: I dont draw beautifully, nor is my goal to be a professional artist of any kind. My goal is to just Play. If its beautiful sometimes so be it.

No rules: There are no rules in my play. Ofcourse, you cant use a pen after you paint with oil pastels, of course, oil pastels can smudge and mix in strange ways but those are just some "rules" some ways in which this game can be played/not played but for the most part I feel a huge space where I can explore and play the way I want.

I began to maintain an art journal too. It looks like a child's play and my mom says that maybe because I didn't get to do enough of it as a child I am doing it now. Maybe its true, maybe there is a child in me that wants to play, that wants this release. And why not? Internal Family Systems Therapy suggests that there are many parts within us, a child part, an adult part, a rational part, a creative part, etc and my child part is really helping my adult part relax, loosen up and create joy in my life. Don't you want that for yourself too? Research like the ones I indicated above suggests that it helps when adults play. It helps when couples play, it helps express aspects of your life that you cant find words for. So play!

There are SO many ways to play, for the most part you will just have to check-in with yourself and realize there is a certain part of you that wanted to play a certain game/instrument/whatever forever but never found the time to do it or thought it was too childish. Set aside that adult self that is so judgmental and play because   you will love it when you do it a few times and will want to keep coming back!

So why wait, stop all your work, especially if you are feeling all anxious and NEED to finish work and just take a break and play! Even if it is for a few minutes only. And don't forget to ENJOY!

Media Deaddiction

I opened this page to write  a post and simultaneously opened my gmail account, my linkedin account and two other blogs that caught my interest, I have my camera hooked to the laptop in hopes of uploading pictures on picassa so I can send them to family. As I write this I can sense the rush of thoughts in my head, a heaviness at my chest and a sense of urgency in my body. I want to do it all, I want to get everything done so that I can go do other things that I already have listed out in the order of preference in my head.

Am I a Media Addict ?  (Source: Google Images)

For now though, I want to read new posts that some of my favorite writers have posted on their blogs, I want to connect with mindful bloggers that I have discovered over the last two days, I want to stream the videos of the online classes I bought. I want to do this all right THIS minute. Late last night I did the exact same thing. I was inspired by a few writers and my mind was consumed by this energy to "do" something. It was way past my sleep time, my head was abuzz and my body tired. I took myself to bed but couldn't sleep because of the thoughts from all the things I had done on the computer, seemingly all at once. I felt like I had bounced off of walls after a sugar high. Even now, I just took a peek at a new unread email that hopped into my inbox and I have three more tabs open as well. My attention goes to these tabs but I am consciously bringing it back to write this post.  

I have taken part in this rush and multitasking, online and off many many times in my life. And I am sure too many of us out there do it. The urgency to know, the restlessness to do it all- its like unleashing a wild elephant at Chandni Chowk/ China Town. At the end of my media fast I promised myself that this week I would only go to my email once every three days, that I would hop, skip and jump blogs only once and blah blah and here I am telling you all that didn't happen.

Where is your attention? (Titled: Awareness)

So what did the media fast teach me after all? My media fast has brought to notice this urgency and this addition that I consider to be so normal. I hear myself defending this addiction as useful- after all I read things that enhance my mindfulness, that teach me how to better myself and the world around me, after all I am not whiling away time listlessly online. After all...yack yack. 

My addictions, my habits, my love for media and how much I "learn" from it is not going to go away easily. Is pushing it away the answer even? Not to me. What helps me is this:  that when I draw my attention to this sense of urgency, the rush of thoughts, and this multitasking that I do, I begin to make a conscious effort to slow down and do at least one thing with love, attention and completeness. And when I do that, the urgency, this discomfort in my chest and the feeling of not having done even one thing fully, goes away. I continue to see my unread inbox message, the linkedin group message waiting for me to read and two other tabs that I really want to get to and then, I draw my attention gently back to the words I am typing and the post I am about to finish. Now that's getting something done with love, attention and completeness and that's allowing media to be a part of me without becoming addicted it.

Getting up front and center

It makes no sense why I am angry. I am actually indignant. Honestly, even indignation doesn't make sense. Anger is such a limbic response that using the reasoning mind to understand it is of no use. So I watch it for what it is. That boiling heat in my chest, the throbbing pulse in my temple and that shallow breath, heavy and hot. I am grateful for the quiet around me. I am glad to be alone to just watch it instead of hurl it on someone else.

A waterfall or a meandering stream?

Streams that meander down the mountains turn into a waterfall or a slight sliver depending on the mountains that create it. They are made of the mountain, they come from the mountain and yet look different depending on the season. Thus is emotion. It is what the mind makes of it. As I watch my anger it finds a comfortable place within and sits there, floating about, while I move on to other things. I sit with my little one while she plays with her toys, placing one thing after another, in increasing size, into her mouth.

Today, my internal world seems calm, even with anger present somewhere within. That wave of loneliness that had come a few days ago has also found a still pool to sit in. I can't say the same for yesterday and the day before, when I tried to distract, occupy and push myself away from the spate of emotions that seem so natural today. The quality of emotions is such, when you get a little distance from yourself and your overwhelming emotion you realize its not permanent. It might leave behind sadness with its passing-another transitory yet available emotion, or joy depending on what the mind makes of it. But you know, this time around, its was not about getting a little distance from the emotion. It was not about letting it pass on by, not about letting go.

I was angry and I let myself be angry without lashing out on anyone. I was lonely and I didn't jump into conversations, books, or the television, or even my thoughts. Not for long but for long enough to let my monkey mind shift perspectives. It was enough to get my mind to befriend these uncomfortable emotions that I push away always. It is not about just happiness always is it? Nor is it about comfort. It is about being authentic in the experience of now, without suffering or at least by being aware of the suffering that comes from wanting only this and not that.

So this time around it was about getting up front and center with the overwhelming emotion. Yes, you are here. Yes, I feel you. Yes, I am grateful for your presence, you need a vehicle, a form and a guise, but I see you for who you are. Yes, you can stay. Yes, you can burn in my ear, heat up my chest and make me want to hurl you at another. Yes, you can stay while I keep on watching you for what you are. Just watching you, watching you.

Guest Blog: The “Watchout!” State of Mind

For those of you who don't know, my father is my spiritual guide, nudging, encouraging and coaxing me to be more mindful, ever since I was little. He sent this piece to my sister, mum and I way back in 2010. Reading it now, while on my spiritual diet, makes me smile in true understanding. Without further ado, here is the piece. Thank you dad for letting me put this up :-)


                                                              *******************

Its 7am this morning and I’m blissfully asleep when the jarring doorbell rudely wakes me up. It’s this guy Ravi from Mayurvihar whom I met just once before when he came home two weeks ago with family to meet Balupita who was our guest. He came to pick up something which they forgot behind last time. He dint call and inform before appearing at my door! I sent him off in just two minutes after delivering his bag and offering him a glass of water. Due to this, I missed my routine early Morning Prayer meditation which takes between half to one hour.

Since I am all alone at home, I go through the morning routines of lighting the lamp, brewing coffee, making bed, washing clothes, reading news, etc. The News paper guy dint deliver today since our house was locked for the past ten days, so I switch on the computer to check the news.  Suddenly I realize that it’s already 9am and have to start cooking breakfast, lunch, have bath and get ready to go to office. I realize that pranayama has to be abandoned today!

I should have gone back to bed after sending off Ravi early in the morning and completed my half an hour of meditation before starting with the routine morning chores. This was my thought as I started analyzing my state of mind while cooking sambar and rice. It was then that the term “watchout state of mind” came to mind.

Usually when I go on a long tour and come back home it’s just chill out time or a time to “Let go”. This is what I did yesterday after reaching home at 2.30pm and deciding not to go to office. But today morning was completely different. Since I am alone at home, after 7.30am the door bell keeps ringing and even the phone starts ringing so meditation is not possible. I was trying to find out the origin for my “watchout state of mind”.

Take a few minutes of your day to just sit

Is it because Ravi woke me up suddenly? I normally wake up around 5am and leisurely complete my Morning Prayer meditation. Sometimes if I go to bed late, I set the alarm for one hour before the time I have to get up so that there is enough time for meditation. But since I had just come back from a long tour and it was Saturday, I deliberately did not set the alarm and due to IPL cricket match, went to bed around midnight. I realized that although circumstances led to it, that actual fact is that I allowed the circumstances to emerge in the first place and subsequently did not rectify it when I could have done so.  In other words, I went to bed late but did not set up the alarm and then I did not meditate after sending off Ravi.

“Watchout state of mind” happens when you are ready to face the outside world or when you are planning or preparing to face the outside world. It is as opposed to the “Let go” or “at home” state of mind. But it is not the restless state of mind. I used to believe that you are either completely relaxed or else you are restless. 

But now this watchout state, in between those two states of mind seems to have emerged! This state of mind is probably more harmful in the long run because it is so deceptive.

If you are in a restless state of mind, you are ‘hyper’ and the moment you become aware of this, you can seek help or help yourself to come out of it. But this watchout state of mind can happen indefinitely. Come to think of it, most of the people are in this state of mind most of the time and that is the root cause of all ills faced by all mankind.

A new awareness for this watchout state of mind needs to be created. It can be triggered when you live alone, when you are waiting for someone or something, when you feel a sense of boredom, loneliness, mildly depressed or anxious. Of course, it can happen when none of these or any other external trigger exists. It can also be prevented in spite of any or all of these triggers being present.

Life is not a continuous flow of events. Each moment is separate from the other and can be experienced afresh. The illusion of continuous flow of events occurs because of memory. Just as light is not a continuous wave but is made up of packets of particles, so also, time is not a continuous flow of events but of separate individual moments. If one person deeply irritates you and goes away, you end up expressing the irritation on the next person who happens to come before you. This is because we experience life as a continuous flow of events rather than momentary! This is also the reason why we continue to remain in the watchout state of mind even when its triggers fade.

Deep wisdom and maturity is required to enable us to naturally realize the momentary nature of life and live as such. Until then, we need to take a break every now and then so as to cut off the continuous flow of events and make our experience of life momentary and fresh.

Sleep does not give us this kind of break from the flow. Even after a full night’s sleep you can get up with a depression or with irritation! This is evident from today’s morning experience. Only Pranayama or Yoga or Meditation can give us this break.

Awareness is a wonderful tool. As I became aware of all this, I could take a short five minute break and meditate and get the break from my watchout state of mind.  Even though I missed my pranayama, I felt fresh and went ahead and had a good eventful day. But for that five minute meditation break, I am sure my day could have been worse. If you start looking at your state of mind regularly and remedy it with these tools, I am sure you can experience a more wholesome life.

S. Selvan.
March 13, 2010.

Spiritual Diary # 6: Quietening the mind

If you have a minute to spare, just close your eyes and observe what happens in that head of yours. We are plagued by our thoughts. Thoughts about what, when, how and why of any and every thing. It is these thoughts that make us. Indeed, my thoughts create opinions about things and people, they help me understand the world, albeit through a narrow lens, they help me decide on my life's goals and they help me critically analyze what is good for me and the world at large. They prepare me for success and failure. They make us, really. I think, therefore I am.

If you give yourself a few minutes everyday to just watch your thoughts, you will be astound by how repetitive, mundane and tangential they can get. Of course, there are moments of creative thinking, sparks that define us too, but they are thoughts all the same. I think, therefore I am.

But isn't that limiting? 'I', my ego, keeps things in control by thinking-logically, practically, emotionally, but what about the moments when we let go, loose control, surrender and become one, moments when thoughts cease to exist, albeit momentarily?

Are you listening?

Quietening the mind is a process that entails making the ego permeable. Making the 'I' permeable. It entails letting others in, being vulnerable and dropping the controlling aspects of our selves. This, I am learning, happens when you balance the 'being' and 'doing' aspects of yourself.


For me, putting my little baby girl to sleep is one of those moments of letting go and making my ego permeable. If my mind is racing, and is full of thoughts about things to do, I fail to notice what Anika wants. She cries and screams, almost like telling me to focus on something besides myself. Only when I switch from the 'I' state can I really listen to her needs. Only when I cease to think and just be, can I deeply feel connected to my daughter.

I'll bet that most of us have experienced, in one way or another, this connection. When you find a deeper connection with yourself or someone else there is a sense of falling away of the ego. Words have a way of coming in between this understanding. Think about times when just looking at someone arose compassion, love and calmness.

Thoughts separate us from what is.They take us away from connections we can possibly make with others in the present moment. They separate us from deeper connections we can make with ourselves and the world. But how does one not think? In our day-to-day lives there are many moments when we let go and just be. Like when I put my baby to sleep, when I relinquish my stubborn "must have's" to some one else's requests or when I meditate.

Here is a wonderful quote from Mark Epstein's book that is apt in the context of quieting the mind:

"Be Patient, do nothing, cease striving. We find this advice disheartening and therefore unfeasible because we forget it is our own inflexible activity that is structuring the reality. We think that if we do not hustle, nothing will happen and we will pine away. But the reality is probably in motion and after a while we might take part in that motion. But one can't know" -Paul Goodman.

Spiritual Diary # 5: Mindful Activism

Today is one of those days. I woke up next to my little one who was also beginning to wake. Because it was early and because she had slept late last night, I knew from previous experience that if I didn't activate her she would go back to sleep. But here was my husband, who woke up along with us today and was thrilled to see that our little one was waking. He cooed to her, kissed her and began to talk to her. Anika was enjoying it but I was upset. I told my husband not to activate her, that she needed her sleep and she would go back to sleep if she was left to herself. I regretted this soon as I said it.

Photo: Charlotte Community of Mindfulness

Thus began my morning, with a 'no!' on my lips and regret on my mind. I wanted it to go away because that's not what a mindful person wakes up with. Unfortunately, I couldn't shake off the feeling that germinated within me and I just went about my morning's spiritual practice with a cloud in my head.

The feeling grew larger and wilder when I 'had' to hurry my practice, take care of some chores and put my baby back to sleep and it culminated in the most unmindful outburst at my mother. Of course, at the end of it my loop of regret and anger at myself only got reinforced. I sat for my  afternoon practice of meditation and saw that I was pushing a part of myself away, like an adult who shushes a child who only knows how to cry when her needs are not met. This imagery instantaneously roused compassion in my heart for the part I was pushing away. So okay, I was angry, I was upset and I was grouchy. I sat with the feeling without trying to decipher who did what to make me go bonkers. The meditation didn't leave me feeling great but I was able to step out of the cycle somewhat and by my evening practice I felt mindful enough to let go.

Why am I sharing this detail? I've just begun to appreciate how immensely important these bad days are in teaching me about myself and about the world around me. We talk about greed, about discrimination, about inequality and about how it is all rests in our hearts. These dark feelings germinate and stay within us much like my anger, dissatisfaction and regret. Often these feels go on to hurt someone else. We hurt our family with our harsh words, we hurt our mother earth with our unmindful deeds and we hurt each other and ourselves with our discriminatory treatment towards one another. Most of all we hurt ourselves. Our anger, greed, fear, insecurity gets reinforced when we try to push it away or try to eliminate it by taking it out on someone else. I don't mean to say we should stop it right away. I tried pushing my anger and it went nowhere. It reinforced itself with every other aspect of my day. What I do mean to point out though, is that what you see on the outside germinates from within. Not being mindful at the start of my day made me look at everything through that lens. Everything seemed unacceptable, including myself. 

My anger towards hate crimes is justified, my anger towards inequalities is further justified, hey! I am a brown woman from a developing country I know what it is to be discriminated against. But this anger that's arising in me, can i just sit with it? Just sit with the anger and not with what happened to anger me. Can I sit with it and accept it? Can I breathe through it and gain a broader perspective? Is there a child within that is being shushed? Whatever it be, understanding the source of our darkness and another persons behavior from this place of accepting our anger (or darkness for that matter)can help us break out of the cycle of hate. I am hopeful about that. What might germinate from understanding is mindful action. I would have woken up with with my husband and baby and spend the early hours of the morning in the cocoon of love that was generated by Anika's smile and my husband's delight.  

You loose an opportunity to love, understand and partake in growth and joy when you act from a place of anger, fear, insecurity, greed-from a place of un-mindfulness. You also gain love, understanding and joy from this same place if you can accept it, breathe and practice in some mindful activities. 

I hope to notice my anger, my greed, my jealousy, my darkness, to see how it manifests within me and outside of me, I hope to take that opportunity to teach me a new way of being. That is activism to me. 

..............................

To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5

Spiritual Diary #3: Understanding

"The giver is our parents; we are the continuation of our parents and our ancestors. The gift is our body itself. The one who receives the gift is us. As we continue to meditate on this, we see clearly that the giver, the gift, and the receiver are one. All three present in our body. When we are deeply in touch with the present moment, we can see that our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. Seeing this, we will know what to do and what not to do-for ourselves, our ancestors, our children and their children" -Nhat Hahn in Peace is Every Step.
                                                               **********

Anger. Jealously. Hatred. Contempt. Greed. I have it all in my heart and as I move through my 21 day spiritual diet I seem to become more and more aware of it.  I have had days when I wake up irate. Possessed by anger I express it when my husband doesn't fold the sheets, leaves a wet towel on the bed, or rushes me on his way to work. On irate days I am unpleasant with my parents who call me in the morning to wish me a good day. I am upset by the traffic, by the maid, by work and finally by myself for being irate. As the day gradually moves by I can 'suck it up' but I am never fully recovered from mornings like these. I find myself on a loop of regret and guilt for having been rude to myself and people around me.

Shining the light of mindfulness on my everyday life has led me to become aware of the seed of my anger, when it begins to form. While I sit with my destructive emotions and look at them, a new understanding dawns on me.Nhat Hahn in his book asks us not to push our emotions away but sit with them and breathe "Breathing in, I know that anger is in me, Breathing out, I know that I am my anger" breathe instead of being consumed by thoughts about what another person did to anger us. 

Nhat Hanh ask us if we would scream at the lettuce for not growing well? No! If you have planted the lettuce and it doesn't seem to grow well you will look into the reasons for why it isn't growing well rather than yell at the lettuce or blame yourself or someone else for it. Once you understand the reason you will nourish it in a way that will make it grow well. Thus are humans. If you find that you are angry at someone, sit, breathe and ask yourself why that is so. When you shine this kind of mindfulness on yourself and others, real understanding takes place.

In an emphatic statement Nhat Hanh says "no blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding, if you understand, and show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change". While it feels like a tall order, I start with myself. All of psychology tells you that when you are angry you should breathe, count from 10 to 1 but I have found that this does very little. What has helped instead is this practice of everyday mindfulness even when you are not overwhelmed by negative emotions. Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment!" . Practicing mindfulness through yoga, meditation and pranayam helps me catch my negative emotions the moment it shows up . Practicing mindfulness will place positive seeds on an everyday basis which will then act as antibodies, taking care of negative emotions when they seize us. 

Nhat Hahn says, if we can see the entire humanity in a grain of rice, if we can see our mother in the palm of our hand, when we are one with our parents, our ancestors and our children in a way that is expressed in the first quote, we are open to knowing that there is a reason behind every destructive emotion and when we can sit with this insight utmost compassion is what flows forth. 

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To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5