How you do anything is how you do everything*

This week's Wild Elephant Project suggests a mindfulness practice that is a wonderful addition to my current practice. Lisa quotes from the book and gently guides us through the practice over at her website. The practice is to "Use loving hands and a loving touch, even with inanimate objects".  I often focus on my feet, where I place them, how I move and so forth as a part of my yoga practice. However, the practice of using "loving hands" in my everyday life was a brand new one for me. I had read about it earlier at The Domestic Yogi's post on mindfulness of the hands and was pleasantly surprised that Lisa brought it up as this weeks practice.

Granpas loving hands

The practice has been a way to slow things down for me. I started to notice that by default I am in a hurry. Like doing things quickly was a characteristic that had become me. I am not sure when that happened but it did, so much so that even when I think I am being mindful there is a hint of hurriedness in my actions. This practice is a lot like sitting meditation, for me. I became fully absorbed in the right now, cutting vegetables with mindful awareness, treating them with respect, love and gratitude. Cooking with the same awareness of my hands led to the feeling of breathing in and out in a scared space. But eventually, the sense of hurriedness came back. I was still aware of what my hands were doing but I couldn't bring back the slowing down. I could see what my hands were doing, placing the dishes with a loud clang in the sink, picking up my baby and carrying her on my hips with less awareness, placing my hands down on the floor and putting my weight on them to help me sit or stand. Once in a while I would tell myself to be gentle. I would try to slow down and appreciate what my hands were doing- caressing my baby's hair, massaging my neck gently, cleaning the kitchen counter.

The use of loving hands and a loving touch came to my rescue last night. I couldn't sleep till about two because I had a painful and sore throat. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breathe easily because my nose was blocked and I just couldn't sleep with all that pain. I tried to clear my nose by rubbing the outer part of the nose, I tried to breathe hard in spite of a blocked nose and all of it sent alarm bells ringing in my head. So much for loving touch, my head seemed to say. It was in that moment that I chose to accept that pain and my hands showed me the way. The way I was treating myself-my nose, my throat- constantly trying to rid myself of the blocked nose and the itchy throat, using my hands to help me rid this pain, all of that was a way of waking up for me.  It dawned on me that I was pushing away a part of myself. I wanted only a neat, happy, relaxed self that could help me go to sleep and my way of doing that was by pushing away this sick, itchy, uncomfortable side of me. I was so far away from loving myself.


That's when I sat up and did the tonglen meditation along with my breathing practice. Below is a video of the Tonglen meditation by Pema Chodron. It is a meditation that allows one to experience the "spacious quality of our minds and the warmth of our hearts" it is a way to get closer to pain that one feels and in that accept ones own pain as well as the pain of humanity.  Pain is not something that we rid ourselves of, it is something that we get closer to and befriend. It is in knowing both pain and happiness that we get closer to ourselves and humanity.

My Tonglen last night focussed on breathing in my physical pain and remembering the physical pain of many in the world. And breathing out space for acceptance of this pain not only for me but for the world as well.  This morning I opened Chodron's book on "Start where you are" to look at one of the slogans she talks about. "Whatever you meet unexpectedly, join with meditation"

She says "This slogan points out how interruptions themselves awaken us, how interruptions themselves-surprises, unexpected events, bolts out of the blue-can awaken us to the experience of both absolute and relative bodhichitta, to the open, spacious quality of our minds and the warmth of our hearts. This is the slogan about surprises as gifts. These surprises can be pleasant or unpleasant; the main point is that they can stop our minds. You're walking along and a snowball hits you on the side of the head. It stops your mind." 

So using Lisa's prompt to remind me about loving myself, using Toglen to accept the uncomfortable and painful, were all ways to use the unexpected to awaken to authenticity. Every moment of every day is a reminder in pausing our thinking, obsessing minds, shifting away from the ever so important "I" and focusing of the vast space that fills us and bounces off of us. You can be jolted out of your "I" talk in many many ways. Something as simple as a sneeze can jolt you out, a shocking news, a disaster, a pleasant surprise- all of it are gifts to awaken us to the experience of unbounded space, all of it are invitations to develop compassion for the predicament of the people in the world and ourselves and all we need to do is pay attention to our hands. That simple.

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* The title of this post is from a book by Cheri Huber with the same name. I highly recommend this book.It is an exercise in self awareness and is truly a treasure. For Indian readers it is available on Flipkart.com! I just checked. The inspiration to use this as a title comes for Lisa's post, so if you are wondering what in the world that means, hop on over to her website to read more. 

Getting up front and center

It makes no sense why I am angry. I am actually indignant. Honestly, even indignation doesn't make sense. Anger is such a limbic response that using the reasoning mind to understand it is of no use. So I watch it for what it is. That boiling heat in my chest, the throbbing pulse in my temple and that shallow breath, heavy and hot. I am grateful for the quiet around me. I am glad to be alone to just watch it instead of hurl it on someone else.

A waterfall or a meandering stream?

Streams that meander down the mountains turn into a waterfall or a slight sliver depending on the mountains that create it. They are made of the mountain, they come from the mountain and yet look different depending on the season. Thus is emotion. It is what the mind makes of it. As I watch my anger it finds a comfortable place within and sits there, floating about, while I move on to other things. I sit with my little one while she plays with her toys, placing one thing after another, in increasing size, into her mouth.

Today, my internal world seems calm, even with anger present somewhere within. That wave of loneliness that had come a few days ago has also found a still pool to sit in. I can't say the same for yesterday and the day before, when I tried to distract, occupy and push myself away from the spate of emotions that seem so natural today. The quality of emotions is such, when you get a little distance from yourself and your overwhelming emotion you realize its not permanent. It might leave behind sadness with its passing-another transitory yet available emotion, or joy depending on what the mind makes of it. But you know, this time around, its was not about getting a little distance from the emotion. It was not about letting it pass on by, not about letting go.

I was angry and I let myself be angry without lashing out on anyone. I was lonely and I didn't jump into conversations, books, or the television, or even my thoughts. Not for long but for long enough to let my monkey mind shift perspectives. It was enough to get my mind to befriend these uncomfortable emotions that I push away always. It is not about just happiness always is it? Nor is it about comfort. It is about being authentic in the experience of now, without suffering or at least by being aware of the suffering that comes from wanting only this and not that.

So this time around it was about getting up front and center with the overwhelming emotion. Yes, you are here. Yes, I feel you. Yes, I am grateful for your presence, you need a vehicle, a form and a guise, but I see you for who you are. Yes, you can stay. Yes, you can burn in my ear, heat up my chest and make me want to hurl you at another. Yes, you can stay while I keep on watching you for what you are. Just watching you, watching you.

(Not-So-)Wordless Wednesday: Women are…

This video had a brilliant effect on me-goosebumbs, teary eyes etc! Its an opportunity for me to share this website too. Take a look at www.missrepresentation.org if you haven't already and join the movement!

Women are...

Here is a brilliant trailer of the movie Missrepresentation. I SO totally loved it and cannot wait to get the DVD and watch it. Who is making one for India?

Here is a link to an article on www.psychologytoday.com on 10 ways to reshape media's message about women and girls.

Spiritual Diary #3: Understanding

"The giver is our parents; we are the continuation of our parents and our ancestors. The gift is our body itself. The one who receives the gift is us. As we continue to meditate on this, we see clearly that the giver, the gift, and the receiver are one. All three present in our body. When we are deeply in touch with the present moment, we can see that our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. Seeing this, we will know what to do and what not to do-for ourselves, our ancestors, our children and their children" -Nhat Hahn in Peace is Every Step.
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Anger. Jealously. Hatred. Contempt. Greed. I have it all in my heart and as I move through my 21 day spiritual diet I seem to become more and more aware of it.  I have had days when I wake up irate. Possessed by anger I express it when my husband doesn't fold the sheets, leaves a wet towel on the bed, or rushes me on his way to work. On irate days I am unpleasant with my parents who call me in the morning to wish me a good day. I am upset by the traffic, by the maid, by work and finally by myself for being irate. As the day gradually moves by I can 'suck it up' but I am never fully recovered from mornings like these. I find myself on a loop of regret and guilt for having been rude to myself and people around me.

Shining the light of mindfulness on my everyday life has led me to become aware of the seed of my anger, when it begins to form. While I sit with my destructive emotions and look at them, a new understanding dawns on me.Nhat Hahn in his book asks us not to push our emotions away but sit with them and breathe "Breathing in, I know that anger is in me, Breathing out, I know that I am my anger" breathe instead of being consumed by thoughts about what another person did to anger us. 

Nhat Hanh ask us if we would scream at the lettuce for not growing well? No! If you have planted the lettuce and it doesn't seem to grow well you will look into the reasons for why it isn't growing well rather than yell at the lettuce or blame yourself or someone else for it. Once you understand the reason you will nourish it in a way that will make it grow well. Thus are humans. If you find that you are angry at someone, sit, breathe and ask yourself why that is so. When you shine this kind of mindfulness on yourself and others, real understanding takes place.

In an emphatic statement Nhat Hanh says "no blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding, if you understand, and show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change". While it feels like a tall order, I start with myself. All of psychology tells you that when you are angry you should breathe, count from 10 to 1 but I have found that this does very little. What has helped instead is this practice of everyday mindfulness even when you are not overwhelmed by negative emotions. Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment!" . Practicing mindfulness through yoga, meditation and pranayam helps me catch my negative emotions the moment it shows up . Practicing mindfulness will place positive seeds on an everyday basis which will then act as antibodies, taking care of negative emotions when they seize us. 

Nhat Hahn says, if we can see the entire humanity in a grain of rice, if we can see our mother in the palm of our hand, when we are one with our parents, our ancestors and our children in a way that is expressed in the first quote, we are open to knowing that there is a reason behind every destructive emotion and when we can sit with this insight utmost compassion is what flows forth. 

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To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5