Wordless Wednesday: Seriously??

Maligadu-Telugu Movie Banner all over Begumpet Flyover

There are no words really. This poster really makes me all tongue tied and shocked and angry. But what is anger if not directed into healthy discussion. What do you think it says about the relationship between a man and a woman? 

Getting up front and center

It makes no sense why I am angry. I am actually indignant. Honestly, even indignation doesn't make sense. Anger is such a limbic response that using the reasoning mind to understand it is of no use. So I watch it for what it is. That boiling heat in my chest, the throbbing pulse in my temple and that shallow breath, heavy and hot. I am grateful for the quiet around me. I am glad to be alone to just watch it instead of hurl it on someone else.

A waterfall or a meandering stream?

Streams that meander down the mountains turn into a waterfall or a slight sliver depending on the mountains that create it. They are made of the mountain, they come from the mountain and yet look different depending on the season. Thus is emotion. It is what the mind makes of it. As I watch my anger it finds a comfortable place within and sits there, floating about, while I move on to other things. I sit with my little one while she plays with her toys, placing one thing after another, in increasing size, into her mouth.

Today, my internal world seems calm, even with anger present somewhere within. That wave of loneliness that had come a few days ago has also found a still pool to sit in. I can't say the same for yesterday and the day before, when I tried to distract, occupy and push myself away from the spate of emotions that seem so natural today. The quality of emotions is such, when you get a little distance from yourself and your overwhelming emotion you realize its not permanent. It might leave behind sadness with its passing-another transitory yet available emotion, or joy depending on what the mind makes of it. But you know, this time around, its was not about getting a little distance from the emotion. It was not about letting it pass on by, not about letting go.

I was angry and I let myself be angry without lashing out on anyone. I was lonely and I didn't jump into conversations, books, or the television, or even my thoughts. Not for long but for long enough to let my monkey mind shift perspectives. It was enough to get my mind to befriend these uncomfortable emotions that I push away always. It is not about just happiness always is it? Nor is it about comfort. It is about being authentic in the experience of now, without suffering or at least by being aware of the suffering that comes from wanting only this and not that.

So this time around it was about getting up front and center with the overwhelming emotion. Yes, you are here. Yes, I feel you. Yes, I am grateful for your presence, you need a vehicle, a form and a guise, but I see you for who you are. Yes, you can stay. Yes, you can burn in my ear, heat up my chest and make me want to hurl you at another. Yes, you can stay while I keep on watching you for what you are. Just watching you, watching you.

Spiritual Diary #3: Understanding

"The giver is our parents; we are the continuation of our parents and our ancestors. The gift is our body itself. The one who receives the gift is us. As we continue to meditate on this, we see clearly that the giver, the gift, and the receiver are one. All three present in our body. When we are deeply in touch with the present moment, we can see that our ancestors and all future generations are present in us. Seeing this, we will know what to do and what not to do-for ourselves, our ancestors, our children and their children" -Nhat Hahn in Peace is Every Step.
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Anger. Jealously. Hatred. Contempt. Greed. I have it all in my heart and as I move through my 21 day spiritual diet I seem to become more and more aware of it.  I have had days when I wake up irate. Possessed by anger I express it when my husband doesn't fold the sheets, leaves a wet towel on the bed, or rushes me on his way to work. On irate days I am unpleasant with my parents who call me in the morning to wish me a good day. I am upset by the traffic, by the maid, by work and finally by myself for being irate. As the day gradually moves by I can 'suck it up' but I am never fully recovered from mornings like these. I find myself on a loop of regret and guilt for having been rude to myself and people around me.

Shining the light of mindfulness on my everyday life has led me to become aware of the seed of my anger, when it begins to form. While I sit with my destructive emotions and look at them, a new understanding dawns on me.Nhat Hahn in his book asks us not to push our emotions away but sit with them and breathe "Breathing in, I know that anger is in me, Breathing out, I know that I am my anger" breathe instead of being consumed by thoughts about what another person did to anger us. 

Nhat Hanh ask us if we would scream at the lettuce for not growing well? No! If you have planted the lettuce and it doesn't seem to grow well you will look into the reasons for why it isn't growing well rather than yell at the lettuce or blame yourself or someone else for it. Once you understand the reason you will nourish it in a way that will make it grow well. Thus are humans. If you find that you are angry at someone, sit, breathe and ask yourself why that is so. When you shine this kind of mindfulness on yourself and others, real understanding takes place.

In an emphatic statement Nhat Hanh says "no blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding, if you understand, and show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change". While it feels like a tall order, I start with myself. All of psychology tells you that when you are angry you should breathe, count from 10 to 1 but I have found that this does very little. What has helped instead is this practice of everyday mindfulness even when you are not overwhelmed by negative emotions. Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment!" . Practicing mindfulness through yoga, meditation and pranayam helps me catch my negative emotions the moment it shows up . Practicing mindfulness will place positive seeds on an everyday basis which will then act as antibodies, taking care of negative emotions when they seize us. 

Nhat Hahn says, if we can see the entire humanity in a grain of rice, if we can see our mother in the palm of our hand, when we are one with our parents, our ancestors and our children in a way that is expressed in the first quote, we are open to knowing that there is a reason behind every destructive emotion and when we can sit with this insight utmost compassion is what flows forth. 

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To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5

Spiritual Diary #1: Smile

My first spiritual diet lesson is to consciously smile. In the book Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh says smiling helps us approach the day with gentleness and understanding. I remember trying this when I was a teenager. Back then, I had read somewhere that 15minutes of smiling continuously every morning made you a happier and more pleasant person to be with. When I was 16 I was definitely not a pleasant person to be with. Ask my mom. I was the quintessential teenage rebel with a frown on my face and questions in my heart. I was always angry and irate. So when I read that piece of instruction to smile I decided to take it up as a challenge. I remember waking up early and smiling continuously for 15 minutes while i took a shower. It ended in a jaw ache, I tell you and I stayed as irate as ever.

Does my baby foot make you smile?

Today though, I feel profoundly grateful for the simple advice . In fact I find myself knowing what he means when he says smiling brings gentleness and understanding into our lives.In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh asks us to have reminders in our everyday life to help us smile, say you look at your clock, it should remind you to smile. You can have a flower or a quote on your desk/on a wall to remind you to smile. 

My reminder to smile has been the face of my little baby girl. When I read what the author had to say, I just had to think back on all the moments when a smile from Anika got me to smile as well. Today, I made a conscious effort to acknowledge how I felt every time I smiled. This awareness about smiling helped spread awareness in everything I did. Every time I got angry I became aware of it, every time I yelled today, I became aware of it. Awareness certainly helped me adjust my perspective. Does smiling plunge you into gentleness and understanding? What does smiling do for you?

I leave you with a meditative tag from Nhat Hanh's book:

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment,

I know this is a wonderful moment! 


Here's what spiritual dieting is and why I am going on one.

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To read more go to: Spiritual Diet  Spiritual Diary # 1  Spiritual Diary # 2
Spiritual Diary # 3  Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5