Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Leisure ~ William Henry Davies
This evening was beautiful. I loved the storm-like wind coursing though these sky high apartments, I loved watching the really hard wind forcing the pool of water, in the swimming pool outside, to dance. I loved putting on my BabyBjorn and taking my little one out to the play ground to feel the wind literally move us. I also loved visiting an aunt who has the most amazing little backyard with one of those quaint little swings, and I loved sitting with Anika there, just swinging for a while. It reminded me of this profound and beautiful poem by William Davies I read many many years ago and looked it up. It's such a delight to revel in the beauty of nature. I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I do.
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| Titled: Reminiscing Childhood |
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
We have no time to stand and stare.
~William Henry Davies
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Joys of a Sunday
After two very difficult weeks I stepped into a Sunday that was perfect. What made it perfect? The small things, really. Like:
My little one's empty breakfast plate that made me do a little dance. It's not many times that we get a plate empty, now that she's learning she has a right to tasty food, and tasty food only.
Then there was the gym time, nap time, dinner and finally a quite house and time to look back, look ahead and look at right now. A good Sunday indeed.
What is your recipe for a perfect Sunday?
Taking time to light the lamp in my pooja room- a minute in mindfulness for me.
The busybee antics that I love.Look at her, reading her wet wipe cover upside down!
The fresh veggies my husband cut for breakfast, reminding me to stop and breathe- Feel grateful for his role on Sunday mornings and almost all other mornings.
Then there was the gym time, nap time, dinner and finally a quite house and time to look back, look ahead and look at right now. A good Sunday indeed.
What is your recipe for a perfect Sunday?
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Starting Solids
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| My munchkin loves her first food! |
And yet, I felt a little "somewhat" at the thought of my little one starting solids today. Its funny, but really I think its the feeling of realizing this is more real than ever. My litttle one is growing, life keeps moving on and the next thing you know she will be crawling around the house, then running and more!
As we fed pureed apples today she wanted more! She loved it even before we started. She grabbed her tiny little applesauce bowl and wanted to eat it all by herself. My fear transformed into such pleasure. I was so pleased and surprised at how amazingly well she ate her first solid food, and she knew when to stop, oh my baby! Why was I even worried, I wondered.
It takes me back to how my parents were with me. I would always see a little bit of hesitation, a bit of eagerness and a tad bit of nervousness in their eyes as I started something new, and then they would completely embrace the new as a part of who I am . There is always a slight tug in that heart of yours before you let go, isn't there? Ah! the joys of motherhood, you learn to embrace and let go at the same time.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Long Distance Relationships Work!
A friend of mine who moved to an adjacent town to be with his lady love endearingly called his relationship a short distance relationship. Long or short, a relationship that endures time and space can be good and bad depending on the way you treat it.
I've known so many couples that put themselves through a long distance relationship, I've been one of them too. My husband and I endured a three year long long-distance so that I can go finish graduate school. Before that, while we were still dating we were on a year long long-distance so he could go finish school.
1.Being a 100% committed to the relationship: if you are starting a long distance relationship with a "lets see how it goes" attitude you are not really invested in making it work. You will need to agree on what will work for the both of you. While my husband was on a year long long-distance to go study, it was way back when I was broke, didn't have enough money to make phone calls, and he was just a student scraping by as well. So we stuck to emails and chat. We would email each other every day! Well, it was early in my relationship and I was smitten, what do you expect? You don't have to write emails everyday or even chat. I know of a friend who speaks to her long distance fiance only on weekends, that works brilliantly for them. So make a commitment about how you stay committed to making your long distance work. What works for the both of you is what counts.
I've known so many couples that put themselves through a long distance relationship, I've been one of them too. My husband and I endured a three year long long-distance so that I can go finish graduate school. Before that, while we were still dating we were on a year long long-distance so he could go finish school.
Many people will have you believe that long distance relationships don't work. Well, if you go with that attitude it definitely wont. Agreed it's hard. There used to be times when, my gloom about being away from my husband would entirely engulf me for days. We've fought tooth and nail, we've not spoken for days, there was anything but love on some days, and we've hung up the phone over and over again (me, more than him) but we have come back together at the end of it all. So what makes a long distance relationship tick?
Here's what I've known from seeing others do it and from living it:
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| Stay Commited |
2. Introduce your partner to people around you: For weeks no one at my work place knew that I was married, this was when I was away. It didnt strike me that I should tell. What would I say " I just finished the project you asked me to do, and by the way I am married"? In a conversation with my boss about husbands I mentioned to her that "my husband does that too!" and oh what a surprise! We sat around talking about how she had no clue that I was married. Well, yes I didn't wear a ring (that was not part of my tradition) but I didn't wear my tamilian "Taali" either so how was she supposed to know. When you think it appropriate go ahead and let everyone know that you have a partner, albeit ocean's apart. It helps when people see you as engaged/in a relationship. For one, you will know how to keep off possible attractions and another important thing, you get to talk about it, how difficult it is, how wonderful it is and how happy your partner makes you! I eventually got a ring that lasted for my stay in the States. Now I am ring-less and chain-less but I bet you know I am married.
3. Fights are not final words on ANY thing:There were several fights in our relationship in the three years that we were apart. But there are several fights even now. Fights only mean that you are trying to make your ego more permeable, that is you are letting your partner in, even though its difficult. If both of you know that fights are only temporary and any problem can be solvable you are good to go!
4. Take breaks together: If you can take breaks from work and go meet your beau for a while and if your partner can do the same, great! Its a great way to figure out who does the laundry and who does the cooking. If you both can take breaks and go on a trip together, even better! My husband and I used to see each other every once in three months. Was great for us. You will need to find what works for you.
5. To befriend or not to befriend the opposite or same sex (depending on your orientation): For some reason, it gave me great comfort that my husband hated other women. Well, I don't think he hated other women, he would just tell me anecdotes of how a "stupid lady at the gym..." did a certain thing or a "silly woman on the road" frustrated him. Maybe it was his way of reassuring me that we were in a committed relationship, it worked for me. Both of us just kept off opposite sex friends, (I've had the ability to make great girl friends and stick with them so that helps). It happened naturally for us. You will need to find your midpoint. Eye candies are everywhere, there is no denying it, you will just need to be aware of it and know how truly blessed you are about being in a relationship with your partner. If it helps, like my husband, you can tell anecdotes of what pisses you off about the opposite sex, don't go overboard though, then its obvious that something is up!
6. Don't be a martyr: The martyr act pisses everyone. You need to realize that if you are going long-distance on a relationship then it is YOUR choice. Your partner cannot force you in on this one. So don't become a nag and tell your partner that it has to stop before the stipulated time. Long distance is already difficult, you don't want to cause terrible heartaches by being a martyr too.
7. Know when it ends: There has to be a "happily ever after" (until you actually start living it, that is) but jokes apart. It helps when both of you know when the long distance will cease and when you can move in, and "start" a life together.
8. No children commitment: See, I just think it is the hardest thing to do EVER, to have a baby and be on long distance. You need to know that as adults you have chosen to be apart, but your baby did not choose this. So while you are apart, stay committed to sustaining and enjoying your work and each other.
Ok, I'll stop at this nice even number and let you munch over the information. If you have been in a relationship that was long distance come talk about it! Did it work? What helped? A great many people wonder about the stability of long term relationships. I did too. Its a scary proposition and it can be heart wrenching but you've got to do what you got (read want)to do, so embrace it proactively and continue to be in love!
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| That right! Go on a vacation with your partner |
5. To befriend or not to befriend the opposite or same sex (depending on your orientation): For some reason, it gave me great comfort that my husband hated other women. Well, I don't think he hated other women, he would just tell me anecdotes of how a "stupid lady at the gym..." did a certain thing or a "silly woman on the road" frustrated him. Maybe it was his way of reassuring me that we were in a committed relationship, it worked for me. Both of us just kept off opposite sex friends, (I've had the ability to make great girl friends and stick with them so that helps). It happened naturally for us. You will need to find your midpoint. Eye candies are everywhere, there is no denying it, you will just need to be aware of it and know how truly blessed you are about being in a relationship with your partner. If it helps, like my husband, you can tell anecdotes of what pisses you off about the opposite sex, don't go overboard though, then its obvious that something is up!
6. Don't be a martyr: The martyr act pisses everyone. You need to realize that if you are going long-distance on a relationship then it is YOUR choice. Your partner cannot force you in on this one. So don't become a nag and tell your partner that it has to stop before the stipulated time. Long distance is already difficult, you don't want to cause terrible heartaches by being a martyr too.
7. Know when it ends: There has to be a "happily ever after" (until you actually start living it, that is) but jokes apart. It helps when both of you know when the long distance will cease and when you can move in, and "start" a life together.
8. No children commitment: See, I just think it is the hardest thing to do EVER, to have a baby and be on long distance. You need to know that as adults you have chosen to be apart, but your baby did not choose this. So while you are apart, stay committed to sustaining and enjoying your work and each other.
Ok, I'll stop at this nice even number and let you munch over the information. If you have been in a relationship that was long distance come talk about it! Did it work? What helped? A great many people wonder about the stability of long term relationships. I did too. Its a scary proposition and it can be heart wrenching but you've got to do what you got (read want)to do, so embrace it proactively and continue to be in love!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Spiritual Diary # 2: Experience
Take a moment as you read this to close your eyes and take a deep breath saying 'in' to yourself as you breathe in and saying 'out' as you breathe out. Do this again. And as you finish your second breath let your body relax while you keep your eyes closed for a few moments. Slowly open your eyes after those few moments and go back to reading or doing whatever you were doing before.
In those calm moments, you just experienced the 'experiencing self'. The self that allows you to stay engaged and absorbed in things you love most. The self that allows you to be mindful and aware of each moment. My lesson for the last two days has been to stay aware of every moment or in my case as many moments as possible.
In a conversation with my sister today she reminded me about a talk we heard on TED.com on happiness. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman talks about how there are two types of selves that inhabit within us-the remembering self and the experiencing self. Kahneman talks about how both the selves experience happiness differently. He says that the experiencing self is the moment to moment interpreter of our lives. The way I understand this is that, this is the self that sustains mindfulness. It is what you just saw for yourself with that short meditation.
In the same link you will see that Martin Seligman talks about what he calls engagement. He says that an engaged life is a life that allows you to become absorbed in love, friendship, work and leisure. It is what keeps your experiencing self at its peak of 'happiness' so to speak. When you enhance the experience of engagement you enhance your well being.
Going back to that conversation with my sister, she was telling me how rushed her life feels, how her PhD is pushing her to the brink of insanity almost. She was talking about how her expectations about herself was the main thing to blame. Haven't we all been there? I for one know exactly what she means. I am sure some of you know what it is to work and work till you drop down dead every night only to start over again the next day. Like me, my sister also decided she needed to reorganize her schedule and allow some moments where she can actually experience. That's it. Experience.
On a day-to-day basis I find that, I eat in a mighty hurry, I think about what the next best thing to do is, while already doing something else, I think about how I want to finish something soon enough to do to the next thing. But taking a break, stopping, and taking a deep breath lets me just be.
My book for this first cycle of the spiritual diet asks me to do whatever I do just for its sake. Eating for the sake of eating, washing dishes just for the sake of washing dishes, walking for the sake of walking, etc.Of course there are tons of reasons for doing those things but while you are doing it, just do it as if that is the only thing to do in this moment.
Breathe in-and-out as if that is all there is to do in this moment. Experience. that is all.
Spiritual Diary # 3 Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5
In those calm moments, you just experienced the 'experiencing self'. The self that allows you to stay engaged and absorbed in things you love most. The self that allows you to be mindful and aware of each moment. My lesson for the last two days has been to stay aware of every moment or in my case as many moments as possible.
In a conversation with my sister today she reminded me about a talk we heard on TED.com on happiness. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman talks about how there are two types of selves that inhabit within us-the remembering self and the experiencing self. Kahneman talks about how both the selves experience happiness differently. He says that the experiencing self is the moment to moment interpreter of our lives. The way I understand this is that, this is the self that sustains mindfulness. It is what you just saw for yourself with that short meditation.
In the same link you will see that Martin Seligman talks about what he calls engagement. He says that an engaged life is a life that allows you to become absorbed in love, friendship, work and leisure. It is what keeps your experiencing self at its peak of 'happiness' so to speak. When you enhance the experience of engagement you enhance your well being.
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| Photo:Plumvillage |
On a day-to-day basis I find that, I eat in a mighty hurry, I think about what the next best thing to do is, while already doing something else, I think about how I want to finish something soon enough to do to the next thing. But taking a break, stopping, and taking a deep breath lets me just be.
My book for this first cycle of the spiritual diet asks me to do whatever I do just for its sake. Eating for the sake of eating, washing dishes just for the sake of washing dishes, walking for the sake of walking, etc.Of course there are tons of reasons for doing those things but while you are doing it, just do it as if that is the only thing to do in this moment.
Breathe in-and-out as if that is all there is to do in this moment. Experience. that is all.
..............................
To read more go to: Spiritual Diet Spiritual Diary # 1 Spiritual Diary # 2Spiritual Diary # 3 Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5
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Thursday, October 13, 2011
Spiritual Diary #1: Smile
My first spiritual diet lesson is to consciously smile. In the book Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh says smiling helps us approach the day with gentleness and understanding. I remember trying this when I was a teenager. Back then, I had read somewhere that 15minutes of smiling continuously every morning made you a happier and more pleasant person to be with. When I was 16 I was definitely not a pleasant person to be with. Ask my mom. I was the quintessential teenage rebel with a frown on my face and questions in my heart. I was always angry and irate. So when I read that piece of instruction to smile I decided to take it up as a challenge. I remember waking up early and smiling continuously for 15 minutes while i took a shower. It ended in a jaw ache, I tell you and I stayed as irate as ever.
Spiritual Diary # 3 Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5
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| Does my baby foot make you smile? |
Today though, I feel profoundly grateful for the simple advice . In fact I find myself knowing what he means when he says smiling brings gentleness and understanding into our lives.In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh asks us to have reminders in our everyday life to help us smile, say you look at your clock, it should remind you to smile. You can have a flower or a quote on your desk/on a wall to remind you to smile.
My reminder to smile has been the face of my little baby girl. When I read what the author had to say, I just had to think back on all the moments when a smile from Anika got me to smile as well. Today, I made a conscious effort to acknowledge how I felt every time I smiled. This awareness about smiling helped spread awareness in everything I did. Every time I got angry I became aware of it, every time I yelled today, I became aware of it. Awareness certainly helped me adjust my perspective. Does smiling plunge you into gentleness and understanding? What does smiling do for you?
I leave you with a meditative tag from Nhat Hanh's book:
Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
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To read more go to: Spiritual Diet Spiritual Diary # 1 Spiritual Diary # 2Spiritual Diary # 3 Spiritual Diary # 4 Spiritual Diary # 5
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