The fear of "what might happen"

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my mother that really got me thinking about our habitual patterns, especially the one in which we allow the fear of "what might happen" to ruin our present. It reminded me of a time when I used to literally invite the negative in my life.

When there is tranquility at home and work, when I am feeling one with my surroundings, relationships and myself...you know, you've had those times too; when the babies fall asleep and stay asleep for a good three hours allowing you to really sit with your work. When you are all creative and in tandem with your kids' needs for play, when you and your husband literally telepathically know what the other is thinking. When this seems to happen day in and out, you begin to suspect it. You begin to think why everything is going so seamlessly.

Being present for life as it unfolds

Well, I begin to suspect it. I think why my husband and I have not had a fight in days, I think about why the kids haven't gotten sick yet and how come I am feeling such oneness with my work. Instead of really living in the moment of joy and bliss I think about how things can go wrong. Then I go and materialize it (albeit subconsciously).

I pick on the words my husband uses. If he says the food I made is "ok" I look at it as if he's said "its awful". I begin to complain that he isn't happy with anything I do, I may also stretch it and bring back the past. I may start to feel sad about how he "never" likes anything I do. At work, I might look at what I do more critically and the voice of dissent starts to take a stronger hold. There is nothing more fatal to creativity than the voice of the inner critic. With the kids, I may become more uptight with they way I play with them. Instead of going with their flow I might begin to control everything they do. Leading to tug of wars and squabbles. There! I invited the negative. And I say to myself, obviously, peace (at home, with my life) never lasts.

What might another scenario be? Today, I still suspect all the goodness in my life, but I am also embracing of all the yuck that might come about. Fights with the husband, sick kids, awful days at work, all of it is my life. All of it requires my unconditional presence. I have begun to acknowledge that if I can be with my present moment, by dropping the expectations of what I'd like it to be, I am living a seamless life, every minute.

...and I don't have to fear about "what might come" because that is my life as well. 

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This post was inspired by Catherine Just's prompt "Is it possible to be fearless". The post is part of the Summit Blog Tour, which leads up to the Soul*Full Summit hosted by Catherine Just. I’m thrilled to be a part of an event that empowers entrepreneurs, artists and creatives to take action toward their dreams while helping create more opportunities for people with Down syndrome. You can join the movement by signing up for the Summit HERE.



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Day 8: {Writer Girl} Don't Multitask

"Why does it seem like whenever you live fully in one thing, some

other portion of my life must die"

Robin Norgren.

Piaget an insanely brilliant psychologist of the 20th century made some astute observations about children. One of them was object permanence, the understanding that objects (people, things, etc) continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched. He said that until 8 months of their life infants make no attempts of retrieving an object that is completely hidden from their sight.He inferred from this that for children between (~) 0 to 8 months, out of sight meant out of mind. In someways this reminds me of mindfulness practice. The idea that we can focus on what is in front of us and be completely with it, instead of thinking about what is not there or what needs to be done.

How much we suffer from the over usage of object permanence as adults! Case in point, I usually write after both the kids hit the bed. But because my infant is an infant, he's still trying to figure out what wake-sleep cycle works best for him. So on a day like today he sleeps all through the am and stays up for a good part of the night. Right now, I have him on my lap as I type these very words. Just a while ago I breastfed him while typing with one hand, then because I was not paying attention my breast slipped off the target and the poor child was rooting, after a loud squeal I realized what I had done. Then because I write at night, I had him on my lap gently moving him, hoping he'd sleep. but again because my attention was divided between trying to put him to sleep and having something written before I go to bed, I was not paying attention to the fact that he needed to be held straight up for a burp. He squealed again for my attention and I did what was needed to be done. Now, as I am typing again, he's squealing. I need to let go of this part of today, this writing part, in order to fully stay present with my little one. adieu writing.


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Day 4: {Writer Girl}: On changing perspectives

"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new

landscapes, but in having new eyes."-Marcel Proust

On August 1st 2013 my home was teeming with guests. My parents, my sister, two of my mum's sisters and three of their children all of them came visiting. I was at the end of my pregnancy and the idea was that my mom and her sister's would help me for a couple of weeks post-partum. At one point there were about 12 people at home. I am huge on space. I need my space, I need my calm or I get berserk. So you can tell what having so many people at home would have done to me. 

It took me a week of getting used to, to the noise, laughter and disorganization around my home. Then, my heart began to open. When I began to start adjusting to the fact that the laughter is so much fun, that my folks are really there for me and that mess is just what is, for now, I began to see the beauty and support of having these wonderful women around me to help me through those last days of pregnancy and the first few weeks post delivery. 

My sister, my mother and my aunt's- all of them saw me in my deepest most vulnerable place...the place where you find new mothers. That tender, soft and grieving-rejoicing part of you who is sleep deprived, love struck and not really thinking straight. 

These women, they gave me a chance to breathe, to sleep and to laugh and smile, they give me the precious few hours of play with my first born while taking care of my new born. They freed me from the need to think about what was healthy and nutritious to eat while they cooked and even fed me while I was breast feeding my newborn (isnt it uncanny how, right when you are hungry or about to eat your new born is hungry as well?!), they stayed up through nights of sleeplessness, tending to one of my children while I held the other one close, praying they would both sleep. Their knowing glances and complete understanding about the pain my body was undergoing post-partum helped me really sail through that time. 

Today, my aunt who was staying for longest left, all of them have gone back to their lives. I sit here typing these words, and I know they have opened my heart, opened my mind to the grace and beauty of a woman's being. They have shown me through their lives and their ways how I can be strong and open to my needs and the needs of my children. 

Here's what I've learned most of all: if you want to change someone's perspective create a space where they can be safe with their vulnerability. Where they can open their hearts out to you. Give. 

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"Writer Girl: 42 Days of Exercises to Deepen Your Faith in Your Ability and Your Purpose for Writing" by Robin Norgren  is a wonderful book to begin to trust in my ability to write and to uncover my purpose for writing. I am going to do this. Yes, For 42 days. 

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Day 2: {Writer Girl} Being Honest

"And when you can't write? When nothing comes? Those

unproductive seasons are times of storing. I replenish by reading,

reading, reading. You have to allow ideas to fill your reservoir before

they are ready to spill over. A writer has to reflect the totality of life,

not just the high points"

-Luci Shaw, Breath for the Bones

Yesterday I wrote about a really dark patch in my life, a time when I was feeling particularly negative about parenting, about life in general, but I was being cryptic about my experience. I wasn't sure I could write about it. The experience felt taboo to share, then I read this amazing article  that freed me from that censor I placed on myself.

Our society (and in turn we as individuals) places such high demands on a new mother-you are supposed to immediately fall in love with your baby, you are supposed to be utterly smitten by this little baby that is yours, you are supposed to love breastfeeding, you cannot love anything more than being there for your baby, not even work that you were passionate about before the little one was born. And with that setting of standards, so many of us fall. Yes, ideally I would love to be there for my baby, tend to her and love her in the best of ways I can imagine but life comes in the way you know.

Studies suggest that 30-75% of women experience baby blues on the third or fourth day after the birth of their baby. 10-15% of women hopelessly plunge into full blown post partum depression within 3 to 6 months after becoming a new mother. And yet we hide this painful sense of feeling separate, we let others tell us that it is abnormal to feel anything but love, connection and togetherness.

Anyway, for me, all was going well untill I got pregnant again, my breasts began to get sore and tender and it was anything but pleasurable to breastfeed my then one year old. We were in a place of transition in our lives then and she wanted to comfort feed more often. I was feeling intense hormonal upheaval (only after this month did i know why, that i was pregnant even). It was a teeth gritting experience. Every time she wanted to breastfeed, I cried. I knew in my heart that just my anger, frustration and pain was not enough to get her to stop. Why? because I was being adamant, angry and stubborn about the way I was trying to get her to stop. It wasn't working. What you resist persists. I would try and beg her to stop, I would tell her "No, Anika! Mamma is in pain and cant feed you" she was one year old, did i really expect her to understand and empathize?

I was breastfeeding her through this time, through tears, frustration and pain. I knew she needed it, for both comfort and nutrition. I continue breastfeeding her through it all despite what another part of me was saying. And no I was not being a martyr, it was just something I did for my daughter who I love immensely. And four months down the lane she stopped one night, just. like. that. While breastfeeding does not invoke that warm fuzzy feeling for me, I do it, it teaches me to look beyond what is comfortable for me, it teaches me to look at others and not just myself and my needs, it helps me lean in and embrace parenthood and all the joys and pain it comes with.It allows me most of all to be honest with myself, to live out my whole true self, the totality of me and not just the cuddly, cute, nice parts.

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"Writer Girl: 42 Days of Exercises to Deepen Your Faith in Your Ability and Your Purpose for Writing" by Robin Norgren  is a wonderful book to begin to trust in my ability to write and to uncover my purpose for writing. I am going to do this. Yes, For 42 days. 

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Day 1: {Writer Girl} The Readiness to Open Up

"While we might be more than willing to accept teaching on an

academic or professional level, when it comes to the way we are as

individuals, how we think and act, we don't like being told that there is

anything wrong with our mind set or behavior."

-The Monks of New Skete: In the Spirit of Happiness

I love to delve deeper into who I am, I love the journey of introspection. But on my own time. It takes a certain shift in perspective, a readiness and openness to receive life lessons and learn about our darkness and light. It also requires that we be gentle with ourselves, lighter and not so serious about who we are. If was are hard on ourselves and hard on the darkness that inhibits within, we cannot embrace it and live with ourselves.

Last January was a time in my life when the darkness within literally took over. I was feeling such a dip in my state of being, I wanted space, I couldn't connect with my little baby girl (who was then 1 and a half years), I was angry, aggressive with her needs, with my needs and I couldn't wake up with a smile. I was so angry at myself for being hard on my toddler, for being hard on people who were trying to help me. I just wanted to get away and sit in silence but the noise within just wouldn't allow any quiet. It was a hard time and a lot of things were going on in my life then that I just did not want to acknowledge. I was so hard on myself during this dark place in my life, that try what may, I couldn't get out of it.

Then something changed, I began to see that I didnt have to be so hard on myself, that I could just breathe and allow others to take care of me. That I could ease the noises in my head by giving myself a break. By giving myself the permission to feel the darkness, to let it be and change my circumstance, because the choice was mine. Slowly the notions of "should's" came away, I didn't need to be so serious about my walls, about who I am. I began to relax in the discomfort, I came undone and found myself.

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"Writer Girl: 42 Days of Exercises to Deepen Your Faith in Your Ability and Your Purpose for Writing" by Robin Norgren  is a wonderful book to begin to trust in my ability to write and to uncover my purpose for writing. I am going to do this. Yes, For 42 days. 

Day 1: 100 words or 15 minutes. I chose 15 minutes and wrote for 25.

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Giving myself permission...

Being a parent has opened me up in so many ways. I have become deeply appreciative of how much deep self-work this involves. I am constantly looking at my own fears, anger, apprehensions, doubts and misconceptions while I am also experiencing deep love, awe, wonder and excitement. All this isn't easy though and I find that giving myself permission to fall, tumble, fail and be bruised is the only way to be in this journey.

Taking a break from it all and going away for some quiet is one such permission I have begun to give myself. It is important for me, to take a breather and do what I love in order to enjoy all parts of being me.

Giving myself permission to do what I love: Writing and sipping a cuppa at a cafe...ALONE!

Just for today give yourself permission to do something you have been craving to do.

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Personal Commandments

I enrolled in a 21-day project called "know myself better" by Gretchen Rubin yesterday. There is nothing like introspection to clarify my head and make me feel connected with myself and my space. The first lesson that I received today was to make my personal commandments-overarching principles I would like to live by. It was such a wonderful exercise to do, it felt empowering and yes, I felt happy doing it. My 12 personal commandments:

1. Slow down

2. Let go.

3. Choose to be playful.

4. See beauty everywhere.

5. Calm down.

6. Pause often (meditate)

7. Do yoga today.

8. Kiss your husband today.

9. Write often

10. Take pictures

11. Laugh often

12. Just do it.

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Toddler activities: Making a gift for Daddy

I love to receive gifts and often the best gifts I have given are the one's I create from scratch. This evening Anika and I decided we'll make a gift for her Daada, her dad. It was the first time she heard of the word "gift" and for some reason it felt like she knew what it was. She was so excited when I took out color pencils, cardboard paper and finger paints, she knew were were painting and giving it to Daada. As always painting is fun for her. But this time, the fact that we were gifting it to her dad got her all excited. That's the thing about giving gifts I think, it generates this sense of giving that is so heart opening.  

Inspecting her art-gift

Here she is proud of what she did

A closer look at her gift to her father

She couldn't wait for her daada to come home, she sat him down the moment she entered home and explained her work to him!

It was such a wonderful opportunity to evoke feelings of kindness, generosity and connection. Anika and I also had so much fun doing this. She loves to paint and I allow her to do what she wants with it, but this time around I jumped in and showed her how to work with stamps and she seemed keen on learning it, she made hearts, flowers and apples out of her foam stamps!

It is a wonderful activity to engage with your toddler. Do connect with your toddler through this activity and let him experience the awesomeness in making gifts for those he loves.

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Staying focused in the Now

First Times

Everyday I am reminded of how quickly time flies... I see it in my toddlers refining language skills and understanding..now she doesnt merely watch me talk and then comply, she will counter argue  "no mamma, I dont want bathy," "I dont want to wash my kundi (bum in tamil) ( even though I pooped)" 

Loving Fill Flash on a particularly dark afternoon

If I make an observation about how she needs to change into another pair of pants because the one shes wearing is wet, she'll touch the dry areas of the pant n point out " its not wet!" 

Paiko has finally become tomato, ainka has become anika and she knows all our names too.

I see my baby boy now and I see how much like Anika he is.. That was her just two yrs back...I note the changes when I lift them, when I bathe them, when I hear crocodile tears... Just this morning she woke me by tickling me!! How quickly she has grown.

Day Two Love

I've heard my father say many times that time is a cruel wretch taking away youth, turning children into adults n transforming each of us in a blink of an eye. And here I stand at the start of that discovery... I dread what kindergarten n those first steps into boyhood n girlhood will do to me.

While I don't take change so easily.. My two little children are preping me just fine in the art of letting go. No you cannot force them to sleep on your schedule, you cannot will them to wear black pants when all they want is pink pants( we have 13 pairs of it by the way). You cannot get them to eat, not even trick them into it if they are not crazy hungry...easy does it then. I sit around watching them hoping I can still moments of love and tenderness, of precious first times and never agains. Of nights of wakefulness and afternoons of luxurious naps. What else can a mamma do?

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Guest Blog: Tips For Incorporating Your Kids Into Your Workout

As any parent knows, there are never enough hours in the day. There’s hardly enough time to finish everything involving work and family, let alone getting in some work out time. Unfortunately, without exercise, we are putting our health at risk.

Since no parent wants to risk being unhealthy, especially when you have children you want to see grow up, why not try to involve your own kids in your exercise routine? Not only are you reaping the benefits of working out, you also are teaching your children a healthy lifestyle.

Dance Session

Kids hate feeling like they’re being forced to exercise, so why not make the work out a bit more fun with a dance session? Dancing is the perfect way to integrate cardio with the fun of music. You can put on your children’s favorite artists and albums so they have a vested interest in the workout.

Hula Hoop

There’s something that’s both fun and challenging about a hula hoop. When you’re first starting out, it seems impossible to get the hoop to go around your hips more than 3 or 4 times, but as you become more experienced, you get used to it. Weighted hoops have recently become all the rage in exercising and weight loss. You and your kids can even hold contests to see who can hula hoop the longest. That’s one competition where everybody’s a winner.

Jump Rope

 A jump rope is one of those rare pieces of exercise equipment that can be used individually or as a group. You can get a rope for everybody in the family and try to jump in unison. Or, you can have two people swing the rope while the third jumps in the middle. It can make exercising feel like a team effort.

Pool Games and Swimming

The swimming pool is an endless resource for fun ways to exercise. You can go the straightforward route and do laps in the pool, which is considered one of the best ways to work out your whole body. If that doesn’t really spark an interest for the kids, you can play a myriad of games in the pool. Water volleyball, Marco Polo and tag are just a few of the ways to include the water in your exercise.

Running With The Stroller

If you have young children, including toddlers and babies, they likely aren’t ready for the sort of exercise that you need to make a difference in your personal health. In order to keep your children with you while exercising, you can put them in the stroller and take it with you while you walk, jog or run. This can be exciting for the children because they feel like they’re on a ride. Plus, they’re getting stimulus from the outside world.

Create An Obstacle Course

Adding the element of competition to an exercise is a great way to keep your kids invested in the workout. An obstacle course can create the perfect balance between exercise and a game. You can create a course at the park or in your backyard using whatever is available. It can be as easy as running around a tree four times before hopping on one foot to a rock, which you jump over to the finish line. You can include as many types of exercises as you want. 

Even though being a parent can sometimes be overwhelming, that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on the essential parts of life, especially when it comes to staying healthy. As long as you’re willing to include your children into your workouts, you can be well on your way to getting fit and healthy.

Virginia Cunningham is a writer for Northwest and a yoga enthusiast whose writing covers everything on personal health and fitness and alternative medicine and therapies. During her yoga sessions each morning, she encourages her children to join her, which they often do!

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Join the Mindful Motherhood Private FB Community

Embracing Motherhood: Pic taken during In Plain Sight E-course

Its About Time You Embraced Motherhood and Yourself Mindfully:

Join the Mindful Motherhood Community

Mindful Motherhood is a safe space where mothers with children of all ages come together to support, care for and honor themselves and other mothers. This group is meant not just to offer advice to other women in the journey, but also to help women feel affirmed, acknowledged and validated for the experiences they are going through-as mothers, career women, wife's, and more. The group is a private page, so only members within the group will know you and be there for you, making it a wholesome safe space to explore a variety of concerns, problems and projects. 

As a part of this private community, I will initiate different projects every month and we can work on them and share the results of these projects within the community. The projects will be centered around themes of how to cultivate mindful attitude towards oneself, towards parenting and towards our relationships with others. The tools that I will use as mediums to explore in the project are photography, scrap-booking, and journaling and art journaling.

This private group is open for now, only to my facebook fan's at Between Life's Doingsas well as my subscribers at Between Life's Doings. The group will take members all around the year but for the next two months it will run with a group of core members (you could be one of them starting this 15th July!). Integrity and respect is of utmost importance and members interested in joining the group will adhere to the same values.While the group is an online community, we will eventually have in-person sessions where we come together to initiate, bond and share our life's art, stories and experiences. For this reason, you should know that the group is based out ofHyderabad, India. 

Why am I doing this?

Because it is important don't you think? I am a mother of one and pregnant again and I've always always craved for this kind of space. I know from my client's experiences and from friends' conversations that the world needs it. Women, especially mothers, from all over the world, need and should get support and partnership in anyway possible to walk along this curvy, bumpy and amazing path of motherhood. 

I wrote an e-book "Mindfulness for Working Mothers" (which you can click here and download by the way) and this private group is another step in the direction of meeting, supporting and acknowledging mothers and the journey they go through.  

So without much ado...if you are interested in joining the private facebook community subscribe by clicking HERE and I will add you to the private page immediately. For now the group is FREE of cost!! meaning there is nothing more precious than relationships we will discover here. We will run a private group for core members who first join for a period of two months and then open it up for more members to join. All the fun, exploration and love starts from 15th July 2013. 

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What to do when your baby wants you ALL the time?

I quickly learnt, after the birth of my baby girl, that motherhood is a spiritual path. A path that teaches you a lot about yourself, your cravings, your dislikes, your attachments and love. In the middle of the night when I am pulled away from that deep dreamless state of sleep, when I find myself in all of an instant, holding and kissing, cajoling and singing to my little girl, I know that I’ve once again fought with that deep and eternal craving for “my space”, “my sleep”, “my world”. I moved out of that box into a world of love, of the other, of selfless wonderment.  It is not just during these sleepless nights that I realise this, it is during moments of feeding, during moments of shower, moments of cooking, moments of playing with this lovely little being, that I realise I’ve moved away from some perceived version of an independent self, that I have laid to rest that rebellious voice within that demands that my will shall be done. 

And how freeing!

My struggle to become an independent self has seen a few therapist’s offices, self-help books and spiritual retreats. I did succeed in naming something within as “me”. Then came motherhood tapping at my door, telling me to break open from that small room I imprisoned myself in. To break open the notions of who I am, to dwell in the miracle of oneness with another. To think beyond the wrongs done to me, and to think about the healing present in nurturing a child.

Morning coffee-time shared with the little one.
See her little legs between mine?

Yes, I want breaks so I can stall and breathe, I want breaks so I can go back to “my work”, “my life” and “my pursuits” but they all seem to come undone when I do without the consideration of the other.  If I cannot dwell in the joy of soothing my child, if I cannot rest in the quiet of her calm play, then I am not going to be able to work and pursue “my life” come what may.  And if at my core I desire peace, mindfulness, creativity, spontaneity and serendipity I cannot be in a state of constant tug of war to achieve it.  So to mothers who ask me "what should I do when my baby wants to be stuck to me and not go to anyone else”, I would like to say, stay stuck to your baby and don’t let her go to anyone else.  You feel angry, distracted and frustrated that you can’t do other things while you are tending to a needy little baby, I have been there, many times and all I can do to is let go and surrender to the moment that is staring at my face. Let go of my to-do’s, frustrations and attachments and be there in that need of my child.  The world doesn’t come crashing down. I have observed.  And my little box of “me and mine” expands thus.  I steal a few minutes to breathe, shower and eat but the joy in sharing some of these moments with a toddler is not lost on me.

As I see my infant, become a toddler and then a preschooler I see the wisdom in embracing the moments when she wants to just be stuck to me, and not go to anyone else.  I think about my moments of complete despair, during times of sickness and fear and I know I could have been there fully if I knew then that these phases weren’t as permanent as my mind made it out to be.

What do I say to the mother in me that wants out, wants more support, wants the baby to just go to sleep, and wants to go do her thing? I say, never mind that, focus on the now. 

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Pregnancy Nerves: Embracing Pregnancy as a Transition

Pregnancy can be a time of such mixed feelings. Happiness, mood swings, anxiety, curiosity and more. How do you deal with this intense, vulnerable and powerful journey?

I write about my own journey and perhaps chime in with millions of other women about this scared liminal  phase over at one of India's finest Natural Birthing Center's-Health Women Birthing Center. Go on over to their blog to read my post

Also for more on pregnancy and birthing experiences click on the tab "Parenting" to read more.


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A child-led life

Ive been having an interesting week thus far. A real pause and go kind of a week. With Holi on the 27th, Good Friday on the 29th and the Sunday on 31st (I work Saturdays too) I was on a break, staying at home with my little one every alternate day while coming to work on other days.

On the 27th I woke up cranky, I didnt have help around the house, and it was just me and Anika, so while on one hand I had to be pulled to the kitchen to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for us I was pulled by her to be with her and play with her. I was exhausted by all things a toddler typically wants and begged my husband to play with her and spend time with us instead of going to work. He kindly obliged and I had a day of just work around the home and some downtime to sit and read a book. Such is the life of someone who tends to push away what the day brought in for some idea of downtime that needed to be fulfilled. I was wired to see everything as pain on this day.

Food I cooked tasted bad. It felt like Anika wanted and demanded more from me- to sit and stand as she pleased, to play this and that as she desired and to sleep when and only when she wanted, regardless of what I did to oppose. She and I were at two pole ends, I wanted something out of her and she didnt want the same thing out of me. She had readily let go of me and went along with her father and a good time. Thank god for my husband. At the end of the day though I was so sad. I realized I had felt helpless at the start of the day because I had little help for around the house chores, I also HAD to do them (my mind said so), and I gave so little of me in my interaction with my daughter.

Then came yesterday. I would like to start by saying, it was a perfect blend of relaxing and activity. I had given up all my HAVE TO DOs around the house. I had given up any notion of how my day should progress. Yes, I hoped for a good time but I didnt suggest to myself or Anika that it should be a certain way. I embraced all the help I could get around the home.

I know what my daughter wants. Time with me, doing things she's come to love. So I embraced that. She loves a good narrative from me on all things we are doing, so as we go to the terrace to watch birds, look at the sky, the lake around us, she likes a commentary from me on what the birds seem to be doing, what each bird is called and where the puff-a-train is. She learnt "pigeon" yesterday and chased and called out to them endlessly.  She likes to sit with me on the cane swing at home and go "fast fast". She wont tire. Unless she thinks of something else for us to do, we don't get off it.  She likes water and the only way she knows to play with it for now is getting into a bucket of it while in the shower, if I am not too tuned it I would give her a bath three times because she wants to play with me, and do what she loves. Yesterday, we rediscovered a game I began when she was tiny-er. We played with water acting as if it were paint, painted (water) all over our glass door on the balcony and stuck different shapes of foam on it! We made homes, grass, puff-a-train, sun, moon and starts! Of course the main attraction was water so we did a lot of pouring it around and demanding for more. We also made good use of foam circles (that we used as wheel for the train) as earrings and bindi. See for yourself!

Foam Party wear! :-)      

                                   

                                                 

Through the day Anika and I were pretty fined tuned to each others needs. When she was ready to sleep it came at a time when I agreed she should be napping. When she was ready to eat, it came at a time when it was her designated eating time. Life fell in step with us really. At night, she wasnt ready to sleep yet but she was SO sleepy! A little coaxing got the job done as opposed to tantrums and tears like the other day.

I have had many days of mindless tug of wars and a few days of blissful joy like the one i just described. I love playing with her and get ample time for myself on these days. That's when I wonder why I cant replicate these days, times infinite. I know its about a certain state of mind. A certain open acceptance of other's needs and wants and a certain amount of willingness to step away from oneself for the love of someone else (and realizing that this stepping away is key to loving yourself too!). I also think that it is about shedding notions of how things should be. I don't think though that this promises daily life bliss like I had yesterday and yet, sticking to wanting to stay open and available to the day as it progresses, staying available to stepping away from ones own drama helps one get there. Practice is key. No?
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Some links that connects this post to other blog threads: 
Give them what they want
Happy Family Habits

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Guest Blog: Mindful Motherhood

I have been MIA for a bit now. Life's on fast-forward, just when I need mindfulness I seem to be pushing it away...everything in its own pace, I tell myself. In the meanwhile though here is a guest blog I wrote for womensweb.in, something that I need right about now. Hope you enjoy it and find something on there that is useful for you too.

Here is the link on Womensweb. Enjoy!


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Sensory Tub Play for Toddlers

Anika loves sensory tubs with just about anything that is delicious in texture for her to explore. It is great for activating all her senses and really keeps her involved in play for more than 20 minutes! Its a great tool for mum and baby bonding and I love to put a sensory tub together after a long days work and I just want to sit and play with my little boo without any distractions. Here are some fun sensory tubs you can try with your little ones.

The first two priceless pictures are of the little one playing with what she loves most...water! Here I added green food coloring to the water and it immediately caught her attention. She kept saying "geeeen" and played with scooping the water out and pouring it back in. I added some dried flowers to the water too, she has fun picking up different colored flowers from the tub and examining them and then with full vigor splashing at the water.

 In these pictures we are exploring soft and rough texture. The brown powder is Ragi flour (red millet)that I bought long ago. It was lying in the fridge untouched after we realized Anika's tummy was intolerant to digesting it. I brought it out and poured it in the tub for her to explore the smooth texture. She loves scooping and pouring too, hence the bowls and spoons and bottles in the tub. There are pasta shells and flowers in the tub too. Just open-ended fun play!

Here shes indoors, exploring Ragi flour and salt. The rough texture of salt added another dimension to her play. Look at her, seriously having fun!

Eventually we hope to play with animals and other miniatures in the tub, sort of like sand tray and also toss all sorts of themed items together for sensory play as she grows.

In these pictures Anika is 18months.

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Guest Post at Healthy Mother.com

Healthy Mother Birthing Center (HMBC, Hyderabad, India) is where I gave birth to my little baby more than a year ago. This place is one that I hold dear in my heart. At HMBC the midwifery model of birthing is practiced. You can read my journey of birthing Anika at HMBC here.

At Healthy-Mother.com you will find some of the most up to date information about this evidence based practice and about (this is my point of view) why you should ditch your ob-gyn for a much better care with healthy mother.

You can see why I would be excited about my guest post at healthy mother. I write about mindfulness for working mothers there...here is a quick link.

Hope you enjoy!

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The Desire to be Seen

I cannot think of myself as doing any other work than the one I am doing right now. And days like today just reiterate my love for helping people with the pain and suffering brought about by emotional, mental and developmental challenges.

I am working with this four year old child with severe motor problems he is also on the Autism spectrum. He is always glad to see me and sit with me to play, that itself melts my heart and makes me fall in love with him all over again every day. Today, he gave me such a graceful lesson in perseverance. With a spoon in hand, he held it in his fist and picked up a bead from a basket full of beads, and kept doing it. Imagine a kid with severe coordination problems holding a spoon with his fist and trying to pick up round beads. It is no simple feat and this little boy was clearly struggling. He loves his spoon and grabs it every time he comes into our work space. He puts it in his mouth and plays symbolically, feeding me, his mother and himself.  I wondered if his love for the spoon could go further. So, when he came in today I oriented him to a bowl full of beads and helped him pick each bead with his spoon and bring it close to his mouth and then toss it in another bowl.

Once he understood what I wanted him to do, he promptly pushed my hand away and refrained me from helping him at all (on and off I would just help him place his spoon at an angle that was easy for scooping), he then went on and on trying. There was sheer determination and one-minded focus in his face and his actions. As his helper I was getting frustrated for him, I wanted to help him by placing the bead on his spoon. I sat there watching my frustration and his confidence. He kept trying for over half hour, sometimes he would do brilliantly by scooping up a bead and bringing it close to his mouth and then tossing it into another bowl (and beam at me with pride) and at other times he would miserably fail but would just go right back to trying.

As I sat there, awed at his determination to do it by himself, and awed even more at his patience and perseverance I had to bow deeply to this graceful lesson in courage. There was something else too. After a half hour of play with this little man, another one walked in, he did not want to sit, was overflowing with energy, hyperactive actually. He screamed and yelled and just wanted to run around while his parent yanked him and demanded that he sit.  But I invited the parent to sit while we ran around. We played ball and climbed up chairs and stools while continuing to play ball. After an entire 15 minutes of activity done his way, he opened up to what I asked him to do. We played together naming animals and responding appropriately to the noises each animal would make. We played puzzles and 15 minutes down, he was ready to leave, as was I.

These two interactions today got me thinking about the desire to be seen. There is something about the desire to be seen, the desire to be understood. When we feel that we are seen, heard by someone, when we feel we are respected and accepted for who we are, when we can be supported in whatever way we need, we begin to blossom and grow.  The desire to be seen, respected and supported runs through us all as children and this desire when affirmed opens up so many new possibilities.  

The parents of these children that I see desire this for their children too and when they see that someone else is willing to pay them attention, respect and support they promptly give it to themselves and their children. I am not sure there is anything else in the world that engenders love within than this opportunity to listen, respect and support someone else.  Don’t you think?              

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Mindfulness for Working Mothers

I am so exicted to announce my very first Eguide! Mindfulness for Working women is packed with 16 pages of ideas and information that can help you stay mindful on this journey of navigating the world of work and motherhood. 

Is this Eguide for you?

• Do you feel torn about going back to work after having a baby?
• Do you experience opposing views about being a stay-at-home mother or a working woman and don’t know what the right answer is for you?
• Do you feel like you will be doused by emotions of separation when you leave for work and hence are afraid of going back?
• Have you started back at work but feel something’s amiss?
• Do you struggle with balancing work and home?
• Do you sometimes feel overcome by emotions of not doing enough at home or at work? 

If you answered YES to one or more of these questions, this Eguide is for you. Also, if you know

women in your life experiencing similar states of being, go ahead and get it for them. In this

Eguide we will explore ways to combat feelings of anxiety and worry that are so innately tied

with going to work after becoming a mother. We will explore the many ways to stay grounded and

open to experiences of this new stage of womanhood. You can embrace both being a mother and

a working woman. Yes, you can go back to work fearlessly. Click on the link below to subscribe

to download your free copy today.

Click here to Get your Eguide Now

10 Simple Ways To Play With Your Infant

Many mothers tell me how they don’t know what to do with their infants in terms of play, especially in the initial months. That they don’t know how to engage with their babies at such a tender stage because the baby doesn’t really respond directly to their presence, talk and actions in a way that they imagined she/he might; Totally understandable, both the mother’s question and her baby’s developmental stage.

As a parent it is natural to feel the need to engage with the child. It is natural to look for ways to stroke the child’s developmental skills that fit into variety of developmental milestones. In fact, I often encourage mothers to do just this.

However, given that right from the start we focus on doing so many things with our children and for our children that it is important to also focus on not “doing” so much and just being with your little baby. A calming interaction is a great way to bond emotionally with children.  Moreover, with greater emotional development and attunement your child is naturally on a path to achieving all the motor, social and language milestones you want her to get to.

Here are some calming ways to be with your infant (0-12 months):

Massage: Often new-borns are recommended dry massage-without oil or cream. However, I have often given my baby girl a good, gentle oil massage especially before giving her a bath. If you just want to engage in quiet time with her (bath not included) a dry massage is a fun exercise.  My little one often when from cranky to happy when I gave her a massage. There are some amazing videos and How-to articles on massaging your infant. Take a look at them if you are anxious for your first time. Eventually, I just went with what my gut said about my baby’s threshold and pleasure for the kind of massage I would give her. You should too.

Giggle: Many infants love being tickled-sitting in the quiet of your home you can play tickle with her and immerse yourself in giggles that emerge on both your lips.

Dance: Gentle Music + slow moves/dance is a GREAT way to calm nerves and put both mamma and baby to sleep. It is also a great way to activate/calm auditory senses.

Sing: Babies love their mommy’s voices; regardless of how badly or well you sing, just go ahead and sing. What better way to enhance the relationship you both share than to actually sing to your child?

Warm Bath with Flowers!

Warm Bath: A tender bath is always a gift. Both for the mother and baby. Many, first time mothers are anxious about their baby’s first bath, or the first few baths, obviously. Get your midwife, your mother or anyone who has had experience giving a gentle bath show you, or help you with it.  The first few times may freak you out, if you are like me. However, once you get the hang of it you and your baby will absolutely love it. They key to it really is to stay calm through the bath. Your baby will pick up on the feeling and mirror it.

Co-shower: Skin to skin touch with your infant is one of the most calming moments of all. This not only helps develop a deep connection with the child but also helps your baby regulate his mood state by being connected with you. Co-showering especially in the evening times is a great way to wind down and get ready for bed, if you have a toddler too.

Talk: like I said before, your little one loves your voice. You can talk about what you are doing while you are cleaning out your closet as she watches you. You can tell her about how you and her daddy first met. You can tell her about the friends you have or your siblings. There is no dearth of conversation topics you can choose to talk to your little one when she is listening. She may not understand much of what you are saying but this is activating her senses, to look at your gestures, hear your tone, pitch and volume, and take in your presence.

Just Watch: Let her be. Just look at her with awe and gratitude. You will realise so many things about this little one of yours when you watch her with openness, wonderment and complete and utter attention. The discoveries you will make will be worth the watch.

Peekaboo: if your baby has some left over energy from the day, playing peekaboo with something small before going to bed can help. I often prop my baby girl on my tummy and play a game of peekaboo with something as small as a bead, or a cream bottle. I basically hide it in the most obvious places on or around me (like under my tee, or just cover it with my hands) and we giggle for a bit and discover the hidden object. When my baby girl feels satisfied that I didn’t force her to sleep just because it was bed time, she complies to sleep after a few minutes of play like this.

Kiss fest: Many times during the day the hubby and I come together to kiss my baby all over. From top to toe! This is such a deeply gratifying time for all of us. Try it and look at the pleasure and love your little one experiences.

10 simple things to do and none of them include a toy! Infants really don’t need too many toys. We are so overcome by consumerism that we buy and store a ton of toys our kid’s never even look at twice. Engagement and play are so crucial to every child’s growth. While active play is crucial for the child’s development, quiet play that is calming and focused primarily on creating engagement and relationship with the parent is priceless.  What are your experiences of quiet play with your infant? 

   

DOWNLOAD THE NEW EGUIDE FOR WORKING MOTHERS HERE:  Mindfulness for Working Mothers
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