A child-led life

Ive been having an interesting week thus far. A real pause and go kind of a week. With Holi on the 27th, Good Friday on the 29th and the Sunday on 31st (I work Saturdays too) I was on a break, staying at home with my little one every alternate day while coming to work on other days.

On the 27th I woke up cranky, I didnt have help around the house, and it was just me and Anika, so while on one hand I had to be pulled to the kitchen to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for us I was pulled by her to be with her and play with her. I was exhausted by all things a toddler typically wants and begged my husband to play with her and spend time with us instead of going to work. He kindly obliged and I had a day of just work around the home and some downtime to sit and read a book. Such is the life of someone who tends to push away what the day brought in for some idea of downtime that needed to be fulfilled. I was wired to see everything as pain on this day.

Food I cooked tasted bad. It felt like Anika wanted and demanded more from me- to sit and stand as she pleased, to play this and that as she desired and to sleep when and only when she wanted, regardless of what I did to oppose. She and I were at two pole ends, I wanted something out of her and she didnt want the same thing out of me. She had readily let go of me and went along with her father and a good time. Thank god for my husband. At the end of the day though I was so sad. I realized I had felt helpless at the start of the day because I had little help for around the house chores, I also HAD to do them (my mind said so), and I gave so little of me in my interaction with my daughter.

Then came yesterday. I would like to start by saying, it was a perfect blend of relaxing and activity. I had given up all my HAVE TO DOs around the house. I had given up any notion of how my day should progress. Yes, I hoped for a good time but I didnt suggest to myself or Anika that it should be a certain way. I embraced all the help I could get around the home.

I know what my daughter wants. Time with me, doing things she's come to love. So I embraced that. She loves a good narrative from me on all things we are doing, so as we go to the terrace to watch birds, look at the sky, the lake around us, she likes a commentary from me on what the birds seem to be doing, what each bird is called and where the puff-a-train is. She learnt "pigeon" yesterday and chased and called out to them endlessly.  She likes to sit with me on the cane swing at home and go "fast fast". She wont tire. Unless she thinks of something else for us to do, we don't get off it.  She likes water and the only way she knows to play with it for now is getting into a bucket of it while in the shower, if I am not too tuned it I would give her a bath three times because she wants to play with me, and do what she loves. Yesterday, we rediscovered a game I began when she was tiny-er. We played with water acting as if it were paint, painted (water) all over our glass door on the balcony and stuck different shapes of foam on it! We made homes, grass, puff-a-train, sun, moon and starts! Of course the main attraction was water so we did a lot of pouring it around and demanding for more. We also made good use of foam circles (that we used as wheel for the train) as earrings and bindi. See for yourself!

Foam Party wear! :-)      

                                   

                                                 

Through the day Anika and I were pretty fined tuned to each others needs. When she was ready to sleep it came at a time when I agreed she should be napping. When she was ready to eat, it came at a time when it was her designated eating time. Life fell in step with us really. At night, she wasnt ready to sleep yet but she was SO sleepy! A little coaxing got the job done as opposed to tantrums and tears like the other day.

I have had many days of mindless tug of wars and a few days of blissful joy like the one i just described. I love playing with her and get ample time for myself on these days. That's when I wonder why I cant replicate these days, times infinite. I know its about a certain state of mind. A certain open acceptance of other's needs and wants and a certain amount of willingness to step away from oneself for the love of someone else (and realizing that this stepping away is key to loving yourself too!). I also think that it is about shedding notions of how things should be. I don't think though that this promises daily life bliss like I had yesterday and yet, sticking to wanting to stay open and available to the day as it progresses, staying available to stepping away from ones own drama helps one get there. Practice is key. No?
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Some links that connects this post to other blog threads: 
Give them what they want
Happy Family Habits

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