Our minds and hearts make it impossible to process tragedy without the use of our life's schemas. We look at tragedy and wonder what if it was us, what if it was someone we knew... the power of empathy. Cultivating an open and tender heart means that, to look at suffering of others as if we were suffering, to look at others' suffering and know that it really is us, suffering.
Some of us are perhaps like me too. Not only does tragedy, especially ones that take place so close to home shake the inner recesses of my being but also sparks fear. Fear that was buried under the surface because I am in a place of energy conservation right now. Meaning, I perceive, for whatever reasons, that I cannot process current events of my life fully and completely for the time being.
Then a tragedy on the outside provides catharsis and also cuts open all that is buried. I am afraid for my toddler, I am deeply fearful that my decisions are not grounded in well being. I am upset about how bad yesterday went, in tug of wars with people I love, I am upset at my current state of being, for becoming wrapped in something on the outside and so many other things on the inside. I cannot push anything away anymore and I sit with the flood of emotions that come undone. Then I move on to doing things that are pressing, that have to be done, notes to be written, exams to be studied for, baby to be loved and I come back again to the flood of emotions.
Truth is, our minds and hearts wont always be open like this, our automatic responses of survival deems that we suffer, we move on, in whatever way we deem fit. But I suppose what my body and mind asks of me now is to do whichever, fully and entirely.
{Edited to add this note on 26th April 2013: it was too hard for me to talk about what I really was alluding to when I wrote this piece but now with some time lapsed I feel I can clarify...On 20th April New Delhi reported the rape of a five year old girl child. The news was all over every newspaper. I usually dont look at the newspaper but that morning I did and I was shocked beyond words to see this news thrown all over my consciousness. This post was my way of processing my shock, grief and fear there after.}
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Some of us are perhaps like me too. Not only does tragedy, especially ones that take place so close to home shake the inner recesses of my being but also sparks fear. Fear that was buried under the surface because I am in a place of energy conservation right now. Meaning, I perceive, for whatever reasons, that I cannot process current events of my life fully and completely for the time being.
Then a tragedy on the outside provides catharsis and also cuts open all that is buried. I am afraid for my toddler, I am deeply fearful that my decisions are not grounded in well being. I am upset about how bad yesterday went, in tug of wars with people I love, I am upset at my current state of being, for becoming wrapped in something on the outside and so many other things on the inside. I cannot push anything away anymore and I sit with the flood of emotions that come undone. Then I move on to doing things that are pressing, that have to be done, notes to be written, exams to be studied for, baby to be loved and I come back again to the flood of emotions.
Truth is, our minds and hearts wont always be open like this, our automatic responses of survival deems that we suffer, we move on, in whatever way we deem fit. But I suppose what my body and mind asks of me now is to do whichever, fully and entirely.
{Edited to add this note on 26th April 2013: it was too hard for me to talk about what I really was alluding to when I wrote this piece but now with some time lapsed I feel I can clarify...On 20th April New Delhi reported the rape of a five year old girl child. The news was all over every newspaper. I usually dont look at the newspaper but that morning I did and I was shocked beyond words to see this news thrown all over my consciousness. This post was my way of processing my shock, grief and fear there after.}
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Dear Aarathi - Your post is so poignant! I have been feeling the underlying anxiety as well with another outbreak of violence and chaos in the US... And, *at the same time* there is a feeling of deep compassion/empathy for those who have been deeply traumatized by this event. Their trauma reminds me of my own traumas in life, my own vulnerabilities, my own pain, and compassion arises for them from a deep place in my Heart (the spiritual Heart) because of a shared feeling. It's as if opening to another's pain, opens us to our own pain. And we must have compassion for ourselves as well. And, as you say, sit with all of our emotions, allowing them, and find our own way through it all. May your heart and days be filled with peace... Christine
ReplyDeleteChristine, you say it so well. Thanks for the wish. oxox aarathi.
DeleteThe first automatic thought after reading such news is to bash up the perpetrator of crime black and blue or cut his hands !!! And then sanity returns and I start praying for the child (victim) and after a long time I am able to pray for the perpetrator too!
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