Twenty months ago as a gift, my little brought with her an awareness I hadnt noticed before. I was made acutely aware of my world, the need to be more mindful and intentional as I put step after another gradually and in leaps and bounds into the person I am and can be. Slowly, for those who read my blog, this space became more about my opening into mindfulness, the noise in my head and the world around. I began to write about what I was craving to achieve in my life-center, calmness and peace. And as life calls for ups and downs, I endure and pass through them every now and then.
I am not sure why I am saying all this. But I know for sure that life comes full circle. I am at a junction, a place in life where I need my own lessons the most. From a state of boundless openness, I have gone to a place of utter chaos, of survival. And of course I realize it is possible. I realize with utter humility that sometimes life just stinks and there's no way around it than through it.It is thanks to my lessons in gratitude and meditation that I feel I am able to go back to that place of stillness, even if it is only for a few seconds each day now. I crave for another life right now. A life of less chaos, of more time for love, calmness and control. But that is the irony of life isnt it? What you think you want most is not what you need right now.
The situation I am in is a situation of everyday of course. But somewhere because of pressures from this and that I've stopped acknowledging a need to stay in the present. At least right now. I have my moments, times when I am fully absorbed in love, work and things I am doing to help me bounce. I feel a great need to shift my energies to place of creativity and spontaneity again. And I will. However, here's what Ive been learning from not being very mindful.
-I will fall, I will tumble, I will be insanely unmindful. It is okay and I will just need to forgive myself.
-That there will be no time to think about anything but survival, about how to go through and out of a certain day, week or a month and that's just how things will be.
-That, that magical stillness is ever present but will go unnoticed in the rush of things. There will come a time you (I) realize this and will just as easily slip into stillness. Thank goodness.
- Big fun things can take a backseat but small wonderful joys cannot go unnoticed...like your daughters budding language skills, your husband's knowing concern and love for you, your parents rock solid support, your sisters wonderful funny jokes, your friends' totally different life that fascinates you. This endless list is what keeps me afloat.
If you have stopped journaling like me (temporarily) or never have done before, just quickly writing down something akin to a list like this brings back that smile. Will you try? Try writing about the small things that lift you from the noise of everyday.
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I am not sure why I am saying all this. But I know for sure that life comes full circle. I am at a junction, a place in life where I need my own lessons the most. From a state of boundless openness, I have gone to a place of utter chaos, of survival. And of course I realize it is possible. I realize with utter humility that sometimes life just stinks and there's no way around it than through it.It is thanks to my lessons in gratitude and meditation that I feel I am able to go back to that place of stillness, even if it is only for a few seconds each day now. I crave for another life right now. A life of less chaos, of more time for love, calmness and control. But that is the irony of life isnt it? What you think you want most is not what you need right now.
The situation I am in is a situation of everyday of course. But somewhere because of pressures from this and that I've stopped acknowledging a need to stay in the present. At least right now. I have my moments, times when I am fully absorbed in love, work and things I am doing to help me bounce. I feel a great need to shift my energies to place of creativity and spontaneity again. And I will. However, here's what Ive been learning from not being very mindful.
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| Staying in the moment with a toddler this cute is so simple. |
-That there will be no time to think about anything but survival, about how to go through and out of a certain day, week or a month and that's just how things will be.
-That, that magical stillness is ever present but will go unnoticed in the rush of things. There will come a time you (I) realize this and will just as easily slip into stillness. Thank goodness.
- Big fun things can take a backseat but small wonderful joys cannot go unnoticed...like your daughters budding language skills, your husband's knowing concern and love for you, your parents rock solid support, your sisters wonderful funny jokes, your friends' totally different life that fascinates you. This endless list is what keeps me afloat.
If you have stopped journaling like me (temporarily) or never have done before, just quickly writing down something akin to a list like this brings back that smile. Will you try? Try writing about the small things that lift you from the noise of everyday.
Like what you read? Subscribe to our newsletter
A! You sound so serene talking of the chaos you seem to be feeling! Thtas brilliant abe. This post of y yours might be the push i needed to write mine
ReplyDeleteP! Babe, thanks :-) I was reading some of my previous posts especially the last one I guest wrote and I realized I am really at this place of wanting to move on the better things and yet accepting this moment with whatever strength I have now, I hope this is take me till august just fine :-) I cannot wait for you to write again. Good luck to new and freshers starts.
DeleteThis is a wonderful post Aarathi! It is so easy to slip into that place of chaos again and again because of the requirements of daily living that demand so much of us. You are so right to keep returning to that place of stillness within when you can - and learning to be with life as it is at the moment, knowing it will change. I have to remember this too! So many distractions! Am glad you are enjoying your daughter! :)
ReplyDeleteHeart Hugs - Christine
Thanks Christine for the hugs and kind words. Sometimes for me, learning to not really focus on what I am doing as returning to the moment but as more tangible rewards as watching my daughter play, or experiencing that "romantic practicality" (as you call it) from my husband helps. For some reason then, this focus on coming back to the moment feels less burdensome (for that stressed persona within, perhaps)...I dont know if that makes sense.
DeleteHello Aarathi I hadn't seen your blog on my list for a while so came over directly to see if you had written aomething I'd missed. This post is lovely and so good for me tonight. I am in yet another of those moments when stillness and calm have disappeared into a storm of confusion. your words reminded me of the need to forgive yourself, accept what IS and love the still moments when they come. Life sometimes is just hard! I want to find a peaceful place and sit alone just with time to breathe and feel my way back into my heart. But it is not possible at the moment so I must just do it here - in this very unpeaceful place! Inside there is a safe retreat - I know that! love Kate
ReplyDeleteHI Kate, Thanks so much for coming over. I havent written in a while because Ive been so caught up in my storm. I know exactly what you mean. My moments of stillness sometimes seem far in between and yet they fill me up. Ive got to thank my little baby for it. Her innocence and her fresh ways of seeing things keeps me afloat. While I sit here waiting for the winds to blow in another direction, I agree with what you say about sitting in this very unpeaceful place. *Love and Embrace* Aarathi.
DeleteLovely read, Aarathi. Our rush to become is often an obstacle to our ability to just be. The beauty of things is that everything instructs. Good to see fresh updates here. Good to be, just be.
ReplyDeleteThanks Subho. Its nice to see your comment :-), My updates here will be few for the next few months before I can settle into some quiet but I write when I really need to surface just a bit to go back again into my current challenges. Thanks for your kind words.
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