Media Deaddiction

I opened this page to write  a post and simultaneously opened my gmail account, my linkedin account and two other blogs that caught my interest, I have my camera hooked to the laptop in hopes of uploading pictures on picassa so I can send them to family. As I write this I can sense the rush of thoughts in my head, a heaviness at my chest and a sense of urgency in my body. I want to do it all, I want to get everything done so that I can go do other things that I already have listed out in the order of preference in my head.

Am I a Media Addict ?  (Source: Google Images)

For now though, I want to read new posts that some of my favorite writers have posted on their blogs, I want to connect with mindful bloggers that I have discovered over the last two days, I want to stream the videos of the online classes I bought. I want to do this all right THIS minute. Late last night I did the exact same thing. I was inspired by a few writers and my mind was consumed by this energy to "do" something. It was way past my sleep time, my head was abuzz and my body tired. I took myself to bed but couldn't sleep because of the thoughts from all the things I had done on the computer, seemingly all at once. I felt like I had bounced off of walls after a sugar high. Even now, I just took a peek at a new unread email that hopped into my inbox and I have three more tabs open as well. My attention goes to these tabs but I am consciously bringing it back to write this post.  

I have taken part in this rush and multitasking, online and off many many times in my life. And I am sure too many of us out there do it. The urgency to know, the restlessness to do it all- its like unleashing a wild elephant at Chandni Chowk/ China Town. At the end of my media fast I promised myself that this week I would only go to my email once every three days, that I would hop, skip and jump blogs only once and blah blah and here I am telling you all that didn't happen.

Where is your attention? (Titled: Awareness)

So what did the media fast teach me after all? My media fast has brought to notice this urgency and this addition that I consider to be so normal. I hear myself defending this addiction as useful- after all I read things that enhance my mindfulness, that teach me how to better myself and the world around me, after all I am not whiling away time listlessly online. After all...yack yack. 

My addictions, my habits, my love for media and how much I "learn" from it is not going to go away easily. Is pushing it away the answer even? Not to me. What helps me is this:  that when I draw my attention to this sense of urgency, the rush of thoughts, and this multitasking that I do, I begin to make a conscious effort to slow down and do at least one thing with love, attention and completeness. And when I do that, the urgency, this discomfort in my chest and the feeling of not having done even one thing fully, goes away. I continue to see my unread inbox message, the linkedin group message waiting for me to read and two other tabs that I really want to get to and then, I draw my attention gently back to the words I am typing and the post I am about to finish. Now that's getting something done with love, attention and completeness and that's allowing media to be a part of me without becoming addicted it.