Day 3: {Writer Girl} I am light.

Oh gently lay your head, upon my chest,

And I will comfort you like a mother

while you rest.

The tide can change so fast but I will stay

The same through the past,

the same in the future,

the same today

chorus:

I am constant; I am near

I am the peace that shatters all your secret fears

I am holy; I am wise

I am the only one who knows your heart's desires

your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn let out your sighs

and drop that heavy load you hold

for mine is light

I know you through and through no need to hide

I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide

Jill Phillips- "I am"

I am my worst critic. I am come down on myself really hard when I feel like I am not living my life the way I think I should be. I act like the stakes are high when a certain project doesn't go my way, or sickness comes beckoning. But, I also know of this side of me that is gentle, forgiving, kind and peaceful. I know her through my practice of journaling.

Today when I sit back and look at my year long journaling in my art journal I realize that she is there, that gentle part of me, kindly nudging me to live fully, live imperfectly, live joyously through difficulties and ease, but especially through difficulties. She writes little prayers of peace and ease during times of difficulties. Even during my darkest hour she will write out something so immensely wise, she will write then but it will only reach my ears later, when I look back at my notes, when Iam actually ready to listen, and start moving towards light.

Sometimes I wish for this bright light within to stay, to stay for as long as she possibly can, but I push hard. I will for my light and joy, for my mindful ways to replicate every day. Can you see the fallacy in that? I want time to freeze in the zone of utter oneness, I want time to still in that place when life is in tandem with everything I do. The desire to want something a certain way and the fixation to have it manifest just like that, in that particular stubborn way itself is the indication that light, joy and presence have left the building. I've also had intellectual discussions in my head about how to manifest this glowing positive self of mine without pushing too hard. Its funny how I set myself up for frustration.

But here it is, the basic truth, I am light, I am joyous imperfection. I am ease and peace. And so are you.


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