It feels like mayhem, this hurt that I am experiencing.
While others’ thoughts are clear like crystal, mine confuse me.
Is this how loss is felt, I wonder.
I think back on how loss tastes, how it feels and how it torments
I realize the familiar ache.
I want to be rescued; I want to be safe,
I want to be undisturbed and uninvolved with pain.
Difficult dialogues plague my mind,
‘What if’s’ stay afloat like oil on water.
Anger empowers me only to loosen its hold way too soon
I suddenly remember the stages of grief.
My heart beats louder and harder when I think about everything that lead to now.
I want to give up on the fight and retract into my cocoon.
I hate the cocoon; it makes me feel uncomfortable to say the least.
I am so indignant I don’t want to accept the cocoon.
I want to know why, I want to be heard, I want to push, I want to roar.
But then again, is there any point to all that noise,
I want to say there is, but I am not so sure anymore.
It’s not the same anymore, it probably never was.
I am rendered to look at my own heart
I want to tend to it, I want to attend
I want to give it hope and a bit of reassurance.
I should let it wallow, so I mope and grieve
I become entangled in the voices and spiral down, again.
I am responsible for my actions and the decisions are made
I can foresee that I must collect my bearings and set sail,
On a fresh start that tends to my heart and to my life.
I carry the pangs of loss;
Like a sore scar on my chest I feel it, when it’s nudged.
I am moving on, I am moving on
I will listen to the wind and cast my sail in the direction
But I can’t promise on not making a mistake.
While others’ thoughts are clear like crystal, mine confuse me.
Is this how loss is felt, I wonder.
I think back on how loss tastes, how it feels and how it torments
I realize the familiar ache.
I want to be rescued; I want to be safe,
I want to be undisturbed and uninvolved with pain.
Difficult dialogues plague my mind,
‘What if’s’ stay afloat like oil on water.
Anger empowers me only to loosen its hold way too soon
I suddenly remember the stages of grief.
My heart beats louder and harder when I think about everything that lead to now.
I want to give up on the fight and retract into my cocoon.
I hate the cocoon; it makes me feel uncomfortable to say the least.
I am so indignant I don’t want to accept the cocoon.
I want to know why, I want to be heard, I want to push, I want to roar.
But then again, is there any point to all that noise,
I want to say there is, but I am not so sure anymore.
It’s not the same anymore, it probably never was.
I am rendered to look at my own heart
I want to tend to it, I want to attend
I want to give it hope and a bit of reassurance.
I should let it wallow, so I mope and grieve
I become entangled in the voices and spiral down, again.
I am responsible for my actions and the decisions are made
I can foresee that I must collect my bearings and set sail,
On a fresh start that tends to my heart and to my life.
I carry the pangs of loss;
Like a sore scar on my chest I feel it, when it’s nudged.
I am moving on, I am moving on
I will listen to the wind and cast my sail in the direction
But I can’t promise on not making a mistake.
when one door is closed, many new ones get an opportunity to open themselves to you :) go ahead without any fear of making a mistake because its the mistakes that teach you your lessons!
ReplyDeleteExactly! ummah!
ReplyDeletevery well written!
ReplyDeleteThe desperation and hope and fear is all well captured..