Riding the wave of emotion.

I cant remember feeling this resistant to life than I do right now. I feel angry, I find myself tearing up, my insides feel sore. Most days I can hold and gently move out of this state. Most days I don't feel so strongly in my bones, this resistance. I can journal, paint and draw myself out of this feeling state but that is not happening this week. 

I sit in meditation and watch my resistance, I find myself irate and restless, still I continue to sit for ten minutes. I wake up in the middle of the night tending to my little one, and some nights I just have to wake my husband to help me with her because I seem to be bubbling with something inside. Something akin to anger. Immediately after I react I notice my pattern and make a mental note for the next time. To not react so strongly. 

This riding the anger is a painful thing. This pain is a painful thing. It is what it is I suppose. Riding along, reactions waiting to jump out of my skin, sometimes bruising others and myself and other times just staying there in my conscious awareness. The reasons for this anger are this and that but what sits with me is not the reason but the anger itself. The feeling itself. It is what it is, I suppose.

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