I was brave yesterday, today I am "braver". How? I cried. Today is day two of my work life after a year's break. I am back at school/work and typing this in the early hours of work. Anika, my one year old is at home with her dad who will leave to work soon, her gramma who is there for a month with us and her nanny. My heart aches that I am not there and a tear finds its way to the surface of my eyes as I type this in a cloudy haze of my vision. As I set the intention for this day, this morning, right now, I call upon awareness of the right now.
My 'heart' feels soft, my mind a little blank. I hear the fan above me, the cool breeze from the window on my left. Tightness in my ankles, then willful loosening. Tightness in my elbows, willful loosening.I breathe out and make space for this feeling- this sadness, anticipation, anxiety. I mentally loosen the strings of control, on how things should be, trusting the moment, myself and the people I love. Moving into another now with completeness and mindfulness.
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My 'heart' feels soft, my mind a little blank. I hear the fan above me, the cool breeze from the window on my left. Tightness in my ankles, then willful loosening. Tightness in my elbows, willful loosening.I breathe out and make space for this feeling- this sadness, anticipation, anxiety. I mentally loosen the strings of control, on how things should be, trusting the moment, myself and the people I love. Moving into another now with completeness and mindfulness.
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I feel your heartache... And I love how you turned it to the awareness of the moment... May you find comfort in this new adjustment...
ReplyDeletethanks Christine. Yesterday (the day I wrote the post) morning was especially hard for me. Writing this, moving into mindfulness and seeing her be so confident in the company of others makes it all doable :-)
DeleteLove your approach to difficult adjustments. Heightening our awareness of everyday living is the only way to rise above and enjoy greater depths of experience.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Subho for bringing me here.
Thanks Juggler. yes, I find myself relaxing and loosing up to the right now because of mindfulness. Thanks for visiting, come back soon :-)
DeleteI was feeling a bit sad today you know. Maybe because mummy went off from there to Chennai and now all four of us are alone from each other. When I went home for lunch and found that I dint bring the home key from my office desk and had to go to Bikanerwala to eat I really felt pangs of sadness that there is no one at home. With that sadness I came and read this. I think that's what is called Satsang ( the virtual variant! ) I really feel better now after reading your experience and coming back to this moment :-) This is cool, wow !!!
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