A Courageous Mistake...after another

I should want this. But then I don’t, not entirely at least.
I should want to be there for you, with all my being,
I should want to share your dreams, your hopes and your ideas but then I don’t, not entirely at least.
I should want it so bad that I should make this happen, but then I don’t, not entirely at least.

I want it, only partially; like I wouldn’t mind having it but I wouldn’t collapse without it
But it angers you to know this and as a result angers me so
I am angry, not with you, but from not wanting it as much as you do,
Wanting it, only partially, for now at least.

I push myself hard, I feel like a thankless criminal everyday
I look at you and perceive reprimanding eyes,
The perceived reproof in your eyes, strokes remorse in my being.----------

What is the distance between sanity and insanity? What is the distance between love and hate? What is the distance between happiness and regret? I’ve come to believe that they are neighbors that these polarities hang on a thin line; that somewhere these paths merge. That it is one thin tight-rope on which all humans walk…one after another, simultaneously, and sometimes in a rush. How else can we make sense of some relationships where we begin with love and are weathered down by a series of wants, desires, expectations, routine, confrontations, arguments, dissatisfactions and finally crumble down to hate or love-hate maybe? How else can I justify knowing with complete sanity that a certain path is my destination only to realize a few years down that lane that maybe I made a mistake? And what is my justification that I am happy about giving up a part of me for some time, till I fulfill another’s want only to become bitter and angry later?
Spiritually of course, I am sure one would agree that love and hate, sanity and insanity, happiness and regret are merely two sides of the same coin, that they come from the Oneness and go back into it, that there is a more than just polarity in this world, that emotions are merely tides that touch the shore of reason and go back into the wilderness where they belong. Socio-culturally, there is the rationale that these polarities are concepts enveloped within a cultural space. That what I call insane in my country maybe perfect sanity in yours and so on.
My dimension of exploring polarities however emerges from within my emotions. From wondering what the distance is between feeling a high and a low, from wondering in awe, in fact, about my ability to switch from one negative perspective to a positive one or vice-versa. So here’s what I figure, if the polarities I experience are a thin tight rope on which I walk and that somewhere the path of happiness and sadness merge, of sanity and insanity intertwine and love and hate become one then why not free fall? Let me explain, if my polarities are two sides of a coin then it means I will experience hate and love, insanity and sanity, regret and satisfaction, sadness and happiness, regardless of what the situation is right? Then why not know that the decisions I have made will make me feel these various emotions anyway? Why not know that the decisions I make, every second of every day, will be cast into the myriad polarities of emotions? So might as well brave it up and live with old decisions and make new ones with more courage, no?