I couldn't breathe. A huge chimerian boulder sat on my chest. I gasped for air and wondered what it was about. Ive suffered many physical shortcomings and instantly diagnosing it hasn't ever been trouble. But this was something else. My rational mind had surfaced, to protect me from it. "Life is about moving on, we live fully if we can take things in our stride and head on" it said to me. So,I sat there, watching the landscape pass me by. It seemed rather perfect, moving-on in a moving train, speeding across a splendid landscape. Only getting a glimpse of the beauty it held, I was able to train my mind to skim just the surface. I prayed the train wouldn't stop.
Squirming, I hoped the boulder would move. "take a breath, breathe deeply and you'll be fine" my insane rational mind told me. I squirmed a little more as tears began to well. I was gripped with breathlessness, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt breathe with this sharp pain stabbing at my chest. Its easier to cry with physical pain you see. But ofcourse, it was then that the part of me that wanted to cry found its release regardless of reason. It was as if the train had stopped. I was pulled into the midst of this world whose periphery I had only caressed. My physical pain found new layers. Sadness, and angst flooded my chest melting the boulder. "not the best thing to happen" cried my rationale that had been pleading for ever so long to just stay above the surface. I could only smile. Smile for the Chimera had transformed into a beautiful child. A child that needed comfort. A child that had spent several sad moments like this and had only learned to take the train and flee.
Why, I do thank my protective rationale. Without it I may just as well be a broken glass, sending splinters across the road i lay, but I thank the vulnerability that is present in every part of my pore as well. For without it, I wouldn't have noticed this crying child in the costume of a Chimera. I carry her with me, this child. I am her and she is me. We smile and cry as we move on in this train that thinks it can take us and leave this never ending landscape of love, joy, regret, sadness and agony. Ha!
Squirming, I hoped the boulder would move. "take a breath, breathe deeply and you'll be fine" my insane rational mind told me. I squirmed a little more as tears began to well. I was gripped with breathlessness, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt breathe with this sharp pain stabbing at my chest. Its easier to cry with physical pain you see. But ofcourse, it was then that the part of me that wanted to cry found its release regardless of reason. It was as if the train had stopped. I was pulled into the midst of this world whose periphery I had only caressed. My physical pain found new layers. Sadness, and angst flooded my chest melting the boulder. "not the best thing to happen" cried my rationale that had been pleading for ever so long to just stay above the surface. I could only smile. Smile for the Chimera had transformed into a beautiful child. A child that needed comfort. A child that had spent several sad moments like this and had only learned to take the train and flee.
Why, I do thank my protective rationale. Without it I may just as well be a broken glass, sending splinters across the road i lay, but I thank the vulnerability that is present in every part of my pore as well. For without it, I wouldn't have noticed this crying child in the costume of a Chimera. I carry her with me, this child. I am her and she is me. We smile and cry as we move on in this train that thinks it can take us and leave this never ending landscape of love, joy, regret, sadness and agony. Ha!
Wow! your writing is almost professional !!!! very impressive !
ReplyDeleteyou commented!!! yay! :) thanks!
ReplyDelete