The dynamic that often creates itself between most South Asians who are not American citizens and South Asians who are American Citizens in the United States is one to reckon with because, well, it stands out when you live here. Here's my perspective on 'us' who'd rather remain 'us' and 'them'. The FOBs and ABCDs as they are called as a rule don't get along with one another. When I say FOB, I don't mean it the import-export sense of the term, about the goods exported in and out of nations. Here its the human life with all its life's experience, love, anxieties, disappointments, expertise, fears, insecurities, and hopes exporting itself to another country. So, FOBs = Fresh-Off-Boat's, myself in the context. And ABCDs = American Born Confused Desi's.
No, I am not just making things up about them not getting along! Consider these terms, would we call people FOBs or ABCDs if there was compassion in the air? And besides I believe experience as holding enough verity for life as it occurs. Firstly, You have to agree that humans in general major in the language of the unsaid. We get what a frown means, what a shrug is and what that punch in the gut with your eyes mean. Its universal, the language of the unsaid. So we feel the love when us "FOBs" make the mistake of catching another "ABCDs" eye when there aint no smiles there for you. If we catch each other walking down the street...'ohh whats this new found treasure in my bad' routine takes precedence. If I am stuck in a class with no other seat empty but the one beside mine for my ABCD counterpart to sit on, there goes my evening! (probably her's too) My name is asked, my accent is known and the head turned to the other side. Ahem..what did i do? Did I say my name the way it should be said? Or did I not seem like I know English?
Its not so difficult to understand this dynamic actually. I am new to this country and I am excited to be here. I have idealized the West, enough to come here for my education and most likely live here for the rest of my life. The decision is based on the assumption that South Asia cannot give me as much as North America can- what with all the assumed opportunities, the status of being in a foreign country ( 'ohhh America!'), the distance from impoverished Dharavi 's of India, the list is endless, really, when you are on this path down bitchdom lane but you do get why the US is the 'land of opportunities' right? So yes, I love being the Monica of friends, or even crazy Phoebe or uptight Rachael and here I come to be this person and that but not what I apparently represent when I come from India. Besides, its not rocket science that people stereotype one another. And as an Indian in a paraiah country, I represent the stereotypes of being conservative, geeky, parochial, hardworking, good at math, etc. And of course when you see me you know, I am not the ideal White European symbol of a woman, and just as well.. I am not that important. But nevertheless, here I am, in the world where I wanted to be ever since I discovered geography, economics and the media. I truly knew that I will be a perfect fit here in a western world that advertises itself as being open minded, welcoming, multicultural, and liberating. Cultural Shock is what I beget, unexpectedly. I am told, I am an Indian, a brown person from a developing country with an accent that says I am not English. A misfit in essence, an odd woman out if you will. Laid out here, then, is the "Desi" experience of coming to "ohhh America!".
On the other hand, the life of an ABCD is not a personal experience, its a speculation and hearsay but methinks it has similar undertones to the life of a "real Desi"... with an important distinction that they have lived the life , from day one, of someone who has had to strive to be this White European symbol of who a good human is. Lighter skin, accentless talk, non parochial, non conservative, and free of constricting traditions. So when I come into the picture my South Asian American colleague finds that I am someone she has been striving not to be and, the effort is very deliberate. That said, the need to fit in is universal and no one is spared really, so while I am wondering with mighty anger why even though we look the same I get looked down upon, another South Asian American is probably saying no I am different from you and you need to respect that. Ironically, there is a common force even here- this need to be closer to the end of spectrum that is representative of who a westerner is or an American is (or in other words, who a White Euro American is) and as a result this pull and tug at being someone we aren't creates painful experiences for everyone involved.
Its a fact of our lives- the media reinforces for the society about who is at the highest rung of being "cool", accepted and acknowledged. White men write the story of America only to oppress every other race. I kid you not. Read some of the eight grade history lessons and you'll know. The VHP controls textbook content in the North of India, while the DMK does the same in the South, read them and you'll see. We are, as a global community taught to value wealth and the country that has it gets to enforce cultural dominion in some way or the other. Our collective psyches are affected by this pull and tug and we let this superfluous awareness dominate our daily interactions.
Thankfully though, I've learned over time that defining who I am today as a result of my experiences, my birth place, my class, my gender, my sexual identity and my religion, and being open to the person I will become helps in this process of acknowledging myself and others. I am certainly evolving and that's the beauty of it all but as far as I am concerned being on this path is what makes me more humane. The path towards acknowledging our similarities and respecting our differences helps us look at these punches in the gut and frowns on the faces of others with more compassion. It helps in the process of self love in that non-narcissistic way as well. Like Friere says, it also helps if we learn to critically question everything we take in as facts and realities. Media bashing is one thing, and on the other hand is critically thinking about what often goes into our psyches without much forethought.
A world that works towards understanding stereotypes, acknowledging familiarities, and respecting differences has such an amazing ring to it, doesnt it?
No, I am not just making things up about them not getting along! Consider these terms, would we call people FOBs or ABCDs if there was compassion in the air? And besides I believe experience as holding enough verity for life as it occurs. Firstly, You have to agree that humans in general major in the language of the unsaid. We get what a frown means, what a shrug is and what that punch in the gut with your eyes mean. Its universal, the language of the unsaid. So we feel the love when us "FOBs" make the mistake of catching another "ABCDs" eye when there aint no smiles there for you. If we catch each other walking down the street...'ohh whats this new found treasure in my bad' routine takes precedence. If I am stuck in a class with no other seat empty but the one beside mine for my ABCD counterpart to sit on, there goes my evening! (probably her's too) My name is asked, my accent is known and the head turned to the other side. Ahem..what did i do? Did I say my name the way it should be said? Or did I not seem like I know English?
Its not so difficult to understand this dynamic actually. I am new to this country and I am excited to be here. I have idealized the West, enough to come here for my education and most likely live here for the rest of my life. The decision is based on the assumption that South Asia cannot give me as much as North America can- what with all the assumed opportunities, the status of being in a foreign country ( 'ohhh America!'), the distance from impoverished Dharavi 's of India, the list is endless, really, when you are on this path down bitchdom lane but you do get why the US is the 'land of opportunities' right? So yes, I love being the Monica of friends, or even crazy Phoebe or uptight Rachael and here I come to be this person and that but not what I apparently represent when I come from India. Besides, its not rocket science that people stereotype one another. And as an Indian in a paraiah country, I represent the stereotypes of being conservative, geeky, parochial, hardworking, good at math, etc. And of course when you see me you know, I am not the ideal White European symbol of a woman, and just as well.. I am not that important. But nevertheless, here I am, in the world where I wanted to be ever since I discovered geography, economics and the media. I truly knew that I will be a perfect fit here in a western world that advertises itself as being open minded, welcoming, multicultural, and liberating. Cultural Shock is what I beget, unexpectedly. I am told, I am an Indian, a brown person from a developing country with an accent that says I am not English. A misfit in essence, an odd woman out if you will. Laid out here, then, is the "Desi" experience of coming to "ohhh America!".
On the other hand, the life of an ABCD is not a personal experience, its a speculation and hearsay but methinks it has similar undertones to the life of a "real Desi"... with an important distinction that they have lived the life , from day one, of someone who has had to strive to be this White European symbol of who a good human is. Lighter skin, accentless talk, non parochial, non conservative, and free of constricting traditions. So when I come into the picture my South Asian American colleague finds that I am someone she has been striving not to be and, the effort is very deliberate. That said, the need to fit in is universal and no one is spared really, so while I am wondering with mighty anger why even though we look the same I get looked down upon, another South Asian American is probably saying no I am different from you and you need to respect that. Ironically, there is a common force even here- this need to be closer to the end of spectrum that is representative of who a westerner is or an American is (or in other words, who a White Euro American is) and as a result this pull and tug at being someone we aren't creates painful experiences for everyone involved.
Its a fact of our lives- the media reinforces for the society about who is at the highest rung of being "cool", accepted and acknowledged. White men write the story of America only to oppress every other race. I kid you not. Read some of the eight grade history lessons and you'll know. The VHP controls textbook content in the North of India, while the DMK does the same in the South, read them and you'll see. We are, as a global community taught to value wealth and the country that has it gets to enforce cultural dominion in some way or the other. Our collective psyches are affected by this pull and tug and we let this superfluous awareness dominate our daily interactions.
Thankfully though, I've learned over time that defining who I am today as a result of my experiences, my birth place, my class, my gender, my sexual identity and my religion, and being open to the person I will become helps in this process of acknowledging myself and others. I am certainly evolving and that's the beauty of it all but as far as I am concerned being on this path is what makes me more humane. The path towards acknowledging our similarities and respecting our differences helps us look at these punches in the gut and frowns on the faces of others with more compassion. It helps in the process of self love in that non-narcissistic way as well. Like Friere says, it also helps if we learn to critically question everything we take in as facts and realities. Media bashing is one thing, and on the other hand is critically thinking about what often goes into our psyches without much forethought.
A world that works towards understanding stereotypes, acknowledging familiarities, and respecting differences has such an amazing ring to it, doesnt it?
so true! and so insightful! i could never have broken it down to understand it that way. :) its just easier to stay pissed abt things like this, isnt it?
ReplyDeleteGenial fill someone in on and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you seeking your information.
ReplyDelete