A NEW HOME

Aarathi Selvan/Between Life's Doings has a new home. 

Come to www.aarathiselvan.com  and visit me.

oxox

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Aarathi Selvan/Between Life's Doings has a new home. Come to www.aarathiselvan.com  and visit me.

oxox


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The fear of "what might happen"

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my mother that really got me thinking about our habitual patterns, especially the one in which we allow the fear of "what might happen" to ruin our present. It reminded me of a time when I used to literally invite the negative in my life.

When there is tranquility at home and work, when I am feeling one with my surroundings, relationships and myself...you know, you've had those times too; when the babies fall asleep and stay asleep for a good three hours allowing you to really sit with your work. When you are all creative and in tandem with your kids' needs for play, when you and your husband literally telepathically know what the other is thinking. When this seems to happen day in and out, you begin to suspect it. You begin to think why everything is going so seamlessly.

Being present for life as it unfolds

Well, I begin to suspect it. I think why my husband and I have not had a fight in days, I think about why the kids haven't gotten sick yet and how come I am feeling such oneness with my work. Instead of really living in the moment of joy and bliss I think about how things can go wrong. Then I go and materialize it (albeit subconsciously).

I pick on the words my husband uses. If he says the food I made is "ok" I look at it as if he's said "its awful". I begin to complain that he isn't happy with anything I do, I may also stretch it and bring back the past. I may start to feel sad about how he "never" likes anything I do. At work, I might look at what I do more critically and the voice of dissent starts to take a stronger hold. There is nothing more fatal to creativity than the voice of the inner critic. With the kids, I may become more uptight with they way I play with them. Instead of going with their flow I might begin to control everything they do. Leading to tug of wars and squabbles. There! I invited the negative. And I say to myself, obviously, peace (at home, with my life) never lasts.

What might another scenario be? Today, I still suspect all the goodness in my life, but I am also embracing of all the yuck that might come about. Fights with the husband, sick kids, awful days at work, all of it is my life. All of it requires my unconditional presence. I have begun to acknowledge that if I can be with my present moment, by dropping the expectations of what I'd like it to be, I am living a seamless life, every minute.

...and I don't have to fear about "what might come" because that is my life as well. 

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This post was inspired by Catherine Just's prompt "Is it possible to be fearless". The post is part of the Summit Blog Tour, which leads up to the Soul*Full Summit hosted by Catherine Just. I’m thrilled to be a part of an event that empowers entrepreneurs, artists and creatives to take action toward their dreams while helping create more opportunities for people with Down syndrome. You can join the movement by signing up for the Summit HERE.



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Interruption

Been out and about with a toddler and an infant in tow. Its been a fun flight from one home to another....we are visiting my folks and I have been away from my blog series...writer girl! But I HAVE been writing in my journal and its getting deeper and more personal. I am diving deep and this space is not for such a personal exploration. So I am stalling the series on my blog and taking it further in my journal. You will find Writer Girl up here when she is ready to share. Between then and my next post, enjoy the pictures we took from the journey!

Sweet Curiosity

Light!

Loving the sight

And the show comes to an end!

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Day 9: {Writer Girl} Writing about writing

"I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that

you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and

your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom."

- Clarissa Pinkola Estés

This writing thing, I love it. But I have strange conceptions about it. I think that I can write only when I have something juicy going on, like a moment when I began to really see my child, or moments when I overcame a difficult phase in my life.

I absolutely shut down shop when I am wading through difficult waters...when it seems like the difficult phase I'm going through will take a long time to pass. I also can't write when I am feeling like I have nothing to offer to others who read or to myself. When I am mindlessly dragging myself through life.

  

I love conceiving an idea, letting it grow in my mind and heart, i love playing with words and i love how musical sentences can be when you weave them that way.I love how words transform and give meaning to my experience. I also love how they open my heart out and make me more grateful, kinder, calmer, and whole. But sometimes this very thing is such an effort.  

I love playing with notions of mindfulness, love, compassion, hate, jealousy, desire , anger, freedom, independence, interdependence and so forth and how they play out in my life and that of others . But I can play with these notions only when I am feeling somewhat accepting of myself and my present moment. 

When I am angry and overwhelmed, I am a mess and cannot stitch two words together. When I am sad or longing for someone I am poetic, deep even. When I am happy I am busy celebrating it, not writing.

Nevertheless, I don't think I have ever written like this though, every single day for the last 8 days (not on my blog at least). And I am realizing writing like everything else is practice. A daily practice of just returning to the now, of returning to myself, of bearing witness to my life and experiences, again and again. 

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"Writer Girl: 42 Days of Exercises to Deepen Your Faith in Your Ability and Your Purpose for Writing" by Robin Norgren  is a wonderful book to begin to trust in my ability to write and to uncover my purpose for writing. I am going to do this. Yes, For 42 days.

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Day 8: {Writer Girl} Don't Multitask

"Why does it seem like whenever you live fully in one thing, some

other portion of my life must die"

Robin Norgren.

Piaget an insanely brilliant psychologist of the 20th century made some astute observations about children. One of them was object permanence, the understanding that objects (people, things, etc) continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched. He said that until 8 months of their life infants make no attempts of retrieving an object that is completely hidden from their sight.He inferred from this that for children between (~) 0 to 8 months, out of sight meant out of mind. In someways this reminds me of mindfulness practice. The idea that we can focus on what is in front of us and be completely with it, instead of thinking about what is not there or what needs to be done.

How much we suffer from the over usage of object permanence as adults! Case in point, I usually write after both the kids hit the bed. But because my infant is an infant, he's still trying to figure out what wake-sleep cycle works best for him. So on a day like today he sleeps all through the am and stays up for a good part of the night. Right now, I have him on my lap as I type these very words. Just a while ago I breastfed him while typing with one hand, then because I was not paying attention my breast slipped off the target and the poor child was rooting, after a loud squeal I realized what I had done. Then because I write at night, I had him on my lap gently moving him, hoping he'd sleep. but again because my attention was divided between trying to put him to sleep and having something written before I go to bed, I was not paying attention to the fact that he needed to be held straight up for a burp. He squealed again for my attention and I did what was needed to be done. Now, as I am typing again, he's squealing. I need to let go of this part of today, this writing part, in order to fully stay present with my little one. adieu writing.


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Day 7: {Writer Girl}:Own your greatness

"When we feel anger, we are often very angry that we feel anger.

Damn anger! It tells us we can't get away with our old life any longer.

It tells us that our old life is dying. It tells us we are being reborn, and

birthing hurts. The hurt makes us angry."

–Julia Cameron

This prompt had me laughing. I love how it helps break away from anger and think about doing something more constructive. As I thought about this piece of wisdom by Julia Cameron, I felt my resistance (that i wrote about yesterday) breaking away. My self talk about being "not good enough" and my resistance to pick up the paint brush thereafter. In order to break the resistance, in order to move through that negative self talk...i had to acknowledge the dying of this old belief. I had to face the voices and in spite of it just embrace the moment, embrace my light.

so here it is...the finished work...

Own your greatness

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"Writer Girl: 42 Days of Exercises to Deepen Your Faith in Your Ability and Your Purpose for Writing" by Robin Norgren  is a wonderful book to begin to trust in my ability to write and to uncover my purpose for writing. I am going to do this. Yes, For 42 days. 
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